


Stay (awake) with me

by Enmuse (Scifiroots)



Series: Journeys [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Big Bang Challenge, Fallen Angels, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Lucifer's Cage, M/M, Nightmares, Psychological Torture, Supernatural and J2 Big Bang Challenge 2012, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-19
Updated: 2012-08-19
Packaged: 2017-11-12 11:38:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/490473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scifiroots/pseuds/Enmuse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(AU post 5.22) In the autumn following the averted Apocalypse, Sam is struggling with nightmares and memories slipping past the wall Kali put in place when she pulled him from the Cage. Gabriel's torn between helping his lover to the best of his ability and helping reorganize Heaven with Cas and Raphael. As Sam's flashbacks worsen and Gabriel learns details of his lover's time spent in the Cage, it becomes clear that the Cage hasn't held together. (03/13 UPDATE: Typoes corrected! Chpt titles added.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Times and fates you can't defy

**Author's Note:**

> _Title inspired by the end of "The Last Supper" from Jesus Christ Superstar_
> 
> See the wonderful art by M14mouse ♥ [here](http://m14mouse.livejournal.com/79061.html).
> 
> Additional warnings, that could include spoilers, are listed at the end of chapter 9.

_Sam tried very hard not to move. He could feel every centimeter of the hooks piercing his skin and muscle even without moving and tugging out new sensations of pain. Long ago the metal had felt cold when the hooks first tore into his flesh. The metal had since grown warm and become encrusted with blood._

_"Sam. Saaaammmm," Lucifer lilted. Sam flinched, and the resulting pull of the hooks in abused muscles made him grit his teeth against a whimper. "You look pathetic. It's disappointing. You had such potential."_

_A familiar sharpened knife appeared in Lucifer's hand as he drew closer to Sam's hanging, naked body. "Was it worth it, Sam?" Lucifer slowly dragged the knife down Sam's torso. Lucifer sliced through the human's navel before pulling away. "You're here with me and my brother for eternity. Your weak, mortal mind cannot comprehend what that means."_

_Lucifer dug the tip of the knife into Sam's shoulder before dragging it down the length of his arm. "No escape, Sam. Mind, body, soul – all of you, trapped. You're mine."_

_His gaze drifted down to the blood-covered tattoo on Sam's arm and his lip curled up in a sneer. "Did you think it meant something?" Lucifer slashed at Gabriel's sigil violently enough to sever tendons. There is no bond, no connection!"_

_"Please," the word barely passed Sam's lips. His vision grayed at the edges, but he remained fully aware of his body's pains and Lucifer's words._

_"Another game for him, Samuel," the archangel continued. "Little brothers do love to vex their older siblings." Lucifer fisted a hand in the hunter's hair and yanked. "Oh, don't check out, Sam. Can't have that, I'm not ready to let you die quite yet."_

_Not that Lucifer ever let him stay dead for long. Sam thought he'd bled out twice before as well as the memorable occasion when Lucifer decided to eviscerate and strangle him. There was no escape, as the Fallen archangel reminded him time and again._

_"I think I'll cut you apart. Piece by piece." Lucifer pressed close enough that his lips brushed Sam's ear as he promised, "When I'm finished, not even your lover would recognize you."_

_Sam whimpered as Lucifer slowly stepped back and ran the flat of the knife along blood-tacky skin, "No..."_

_"Was it worth it, Sam?_

_The knife rested at the base of Sam's index finger. When the hunter didn't respond, Lucifer sliced through two fingers._

_"Answer me. Was it worth it?"_

_Sam choked on a ragged sob as he lost another finger._

_"Tell me, Sam."_

_"Sam."_

"Sam! C'mon kiddo, wake up for me." A warm grip on Sam's shoulders accompanied the familiar voice.

It suddenly registered that he could _move_ and Sam jolted upright before his eyes even opened.

"You with me?" Gabriel's worried expression filled Sam's vision.

Not yet trusting his voice, Sam nodded shakily.

"Come here." Gabriel pulled Sam with him as he lay back down. "Crap, I'm sorry. I couldn't get you up." Sam wrapped his arm tightly around the archangel's waist and curled his (fully intact) fingers into the soft fabric of his lover's shirt. "Do you... want to tell me about it?"

Sam tucked his head against Gabriel's neck. "You didn't see?" he asked quietly.

Gabriel began stroking Sam's hair. "Nope. I... I tried this time, Sammy, and I couldn't."

Sam knew the angel would prefer to get an inside look at what was going on in his head, but Sam preferred it this way. He didn't want Gabriel to see his flashbacks; bad enough that his lover had witnessed several of his nightmares when Gabriel had been missing memories.

No one had a full explanation as to why Gabriel and Castiel could get little more than emotional impressions from Sam after his return from the Cage, though logic suggested it had something to do with having a Fallen archangel riding around his head. The only way the angels could get an unfiltered look was while Sam was dreaming, and both had promised to keep out unless it seemed like an emergency.

"Sam..." Gabriel's hand stilled and his other arm tightened its embrace. "I couldn't wake you," he said it slowly and quietly, as if afraid his voice might shake had he said it any other way. Sam knew his lover was worried.

"It'll pass," Sam muttered, shifting closer.

Gabriel slid his hand beneath Sam's chin and adjusted their position until they looked each other in the eye. "Over two months, Sammy, and if anything, they're increasing. Crowley's right about this, something's off."

"Since when do I do normal?" Sam countered with a frown. He tried halfheartedly to pull away from Gabriel's grip and failed.

"You're basically the most stubborn human I know and you're strong, trust me, I know. But this is the sort of thing that wears away until the world collapses under you. I don't want that to happen." Gabriel's expression was grim.

"I always appreciate your encouraging speeches," Sam replied sarcastically. This time when he tried he was able to move his head away. Gabriel didn't allow him to fully pull back, however.

With a sigh, Gabriel slid his arms around Sam and pressed their lips together briefly in a chaste kiss. "You're freaking me out, Sammy."

Sam's flare of irritation and defensiveness dimmed with that admission. Reluctantly Sam also confessed; "I just want it to stop."

"Of course you do," Gabriel murmured. He kissed Sam's forehead and returned to stroking his lover's hair. "I'm so sorry."

Sam huffed quietly. "Apologizing isn't your thing, Gabriel, and this is far from your fault."

"Yeah, yeah. Guess I've been around idiotic Winchesters long enough to apologize for crap beyond my control," the angel grumbled. Sam smiled and started pressing kisses along Gabriel's neck. "Mmm. You starting something, kiddo?"

"What do you think?" Sam asked before sucking at a patch of skin just under the angel's jaw.

Gabriel chuckled and tilted his head to give Sam better access. "Lead on."

*

It didn't take a mind-reader to figure out that Dean didn't like the fact that Gabriel was hanging around. In comparison, Dean seemed downright cheerful to see Crowley visit. Since the archangel had shown up at Bobby's with his memories fully restored, the older Winchester spent most of his time glaring daggers at Gabriel and eyeing Sam warily. Sam knew his brother was worried about him. Admittedly, some of Dean's concerns had a basis – such as Sam's continuing nightmares and increasingly frequent flashbacks. But Dean also seemed to be waiting for Gabriel to screw up and fuck off.

The angel switched between ignoring the older Winchester entirely or harassing him, much as he'd done in the past. The tension was wearing at Sam's patience, as well as his energy. He couldn't seem to convince Dean that he was trying to be cautious, but he also _needed_ something to believe in again. Gabriel's presence had become his tether to sanity after the increase in horrifying flashbacks of the past week. So far Sam had managed to keep the severity of the problem between himself and Gabriel. He hadn't given his lover the details, but it was impossible to brush Gabriel off when he was around to see the aftereffects of the nightmares.

Gabriel also liked to insinuate that Dean's irritable mood was the result of Castiel spending approximately ninety-five percent of the time busy in Heaven. That argument usually didn't last long in Dean's hearing because the hunter would counter by bringing up the promise Castiel had eventually managed to get out of Gabriel.

The hunters didn't know the full story since Gabriel clearly didn't want to discuss it and Castiel had been vague. From what Sam understood, God had made a brief appearance, first to offer Gabriel help and then a visit to Heaven to reiterate Castiel's appeal for free will. Dean had muttered about God being a shit motivational speaker despite several millennia's worth of history that might say otherwise. Castiel had frowned and looked disappointed with Dean's sarcasm.

Later, Gabriel admitted to Sam, "I love the guy, but Dad's been a shitty parent since the kids grew up." That was basically the last of what the angels shared of the matter.

As for the promise Castiel extracted, the humans didn't know how it'd come about, but they did know that Gabriel had agreed to return to Heaven and help Castiel keep the Host from completely falling apart. God's brief visit had at least temporarily quelled the worst of the dissidents. Castiel still worried about Raphael, which Sam guessed was a major factor for Cas to press the issue with Gabriel. According to Castiel, time seemed to be important, but Gabriel either disagreed or his priorities were distinctly different.

*

"If you boys are done cooling your heels, Nebraska's had several reports of wild animal attacks. Victims are missing their hearts." Bobby slapped a couple cartridges filled with silver bullets onto the table in front of Sam's breakfast.

"Something on your mind, Bobby?" Dean asked through a mouthful of sausage.

Sam swallowed his food before speaking. "You're thinking werewolves? How recent are we talking?" The last full moon had been a couple of weeks ago.

"Last body was reported two days ago." Bobby shrugged as he went to pour the last of the coffee. "Werewolves wouldn't be the only things disregarding the norm."

Sam cast a confused glance at Dean before asking, "Why didn't you mention this earlier?" The way both men seemed to avoid his gaze made Sam suspicious. "Okay, so why didn't you say anything to _me_?"

"We're telling you now," Dean mumbled as he speared another sausage.

More helpfully, Bobby answered, "You weren't in the best condition to be out hunting, Sam. Not much to go on at this point, anyway. Weird behavior's showing up but no explanation for why."

Sam acknowledged the point silently. While he'd missed the routine of hitting the road and hunting, Sam had appreciated and needed the time off. "So, a werewolf." When Dean just rolled his eyes and kept eating his breakfast, Sam kicked his shin. "It's been a while, do you think you're up for it?"

"Hey, I've been packed for weeks, bitch," Dean retorted.

"Dean, we don't unpack," Sam pointed out, resisting the urge to grin.

Bobby muttered something unintelligible and turned toward the doorway. "Just get off your asses and make sure I don't have angels dropping by while you're out."

As the older hunter left the room, Dean shouted, "Hey! Gabriel's the one on a leash!"

"Sounds like someone's jealous." Dean jumped as Gabriel appeared behind him and leaned over his shoulder. Grinning unrepentantly, Gabriel continued, "Pretty sure you'd have to explain the collar thing to my baby brother, though."

"Fuck off," Dean growled. He cast a glare at Sam. "No way this guy's tagging along."

Gabriel dropped into the chair next to Sam with a smirk. "And what makes you think you get a say in what I do?"

"Gabriel," Sam said warningly.

Dean made a face at the archangel before standing. "Wrap it up, princess, we've got a werewolf to see to."

"Good ol' fashion hunt, huh?" Gabriel leaned back and put his feet in Sam's lap. "Although... Huh. It's not exactly operating within the usual lunar cycle." His eyes narrowed in thought.

"Apparently they're not the only things acting weird. Did you know anything about this?" Sam asked, suspicious after finding out that Bobby and Dean had been keeping things from him.

"Nope. Kinda been focused on other things," Gabriel replied. He arched an eyebrow. "Are you seriously going to tell me to stay back?"

Sam frowned even as he let his fingers slip under the cuff of Gabriel's jeans and stroke against bare skin. "It's not like this hunt is a big deal, Gabriel. Not like we haven't done this on our own before. For _years_."

"That's not—" Gabriel cut off with a frustrated noise. "Not doubting you, kiddo." He crossed his arms and seemed to be holding back from saying anything else.

"Look, Dean and I could use the space, okay?" Besides, isn't there some sort of urgency with helping Cas?" Sam wrapped his hand tighter around Gabriel's ankle when the angel tensed and seemed prepared to pull away. Sam sighed. "I know you don't want to talk about it, and I don't mind. Just... it seems like Cas really needs the help."

It took another minute for Sam to realize what part of the problem might be. After all, Bobby and Dean hadn't been the only ones worried about him lately. Gently Sam said, "I'll call you, okay?"

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "You know it's no wonder your brother calls you a girl when you get sappy like that." 

Sam snorted and pushed the angel's feet off his lap. "Whatever. We need to get going before Bobby chases us off with a shotgun."

"He would be the type to go running around shouting 'get off my lawn, you punks'!" Gabriel agreed with a smirk. He bounced to his feet as Sam stood up. "Fine, you win. I'll go deal with the Heavenly douchebags and you go do the monster hunting thing."

The angel cupped his hands against Sam's face and pulled the human down into a kiss. Gabriel's tongue slid between Sam's lips and coaxed the human's mouth open further. Sam's hands gripped the angel's hips and pulled him closer. Part of his mind remembered he had things to do, but Gabriel had always been good with distractions and Sam was perfectly happy to follow his lead.

"For Chrissake, you really need to keep that shit behind closed doors," Dean complained from the doorway.

Gabriel let Sam pull away after a gentle nip to his bottom lip.

Sam glanced at his brother and found Dean staring determinedly up at the ceiling with his bag slung over his shoulder. "Um, yeah. Sorry, Dean."

"Bobby says ten minutes, so move it." Dean turned around and walked back out without meeting anyone's gaze.

"I should get my stuff," Sam muttered, taking a step back and running a hand over his hair.

A snap later, Sam's duffle appeared at his side. Gabriel grinned. "All set, plus your battery's charged," he said, handing over Sam's cellphone. "Have fun brotherly bonding." The angel raised his hand to snap again but seemed to hesitate.

"I'll call. Promise," Sam said with a roll of his eyes. "Quit worrying."

Gabriel pursed his lips and Sam prepared for a possible argument, but the angel just snapped and disappeared.

Sam pulled his bag from the floor and headed outside to join Dean.

***


	2. I see bad things arising, I see blood and destruction

**Two: I see bad things arising, I see blood and destruction**

_I see earthquakes and lightnin', I see bad times today_

"Sammy!" Dean's insistent shout momentarily broke through the haze holding Sam's mostly asleep mind.

_Don't go around tonight, well it's bound to take your life, there's a bad moon on the rise_

"Come on, Sammy, wake up."

Sam had trouble getting his body to react, but he eventually he managed to open his eyes and could see a pickup truck speed past Dean's window. Apparently they'd stopped on the side of the road.

Dean released an explosive sigh of relief. "Jesus Christ, Sammy." He gripped Sam's shoulder like he was afraid to let go. "You weren't waking up."

"'M fine," Sam said even though he knew that wasn't about to fool his brother. He rubbed his eyes and straightened up in his seat. He flexed his wrists and stared at his unmarred skin. He could still feel the phantom pain of chains wrapped tight enough to gouge into his skin.

"Bull," Dean snapped. He tugged at Sam's shoulder until their gazes met. "I don't expect you to be Mr. Well-Adjusted but it shouldn't be like this!"

With effort, Sam dislodged his brother's grip. "I'm fucked up, fine, I get it."

"Sam... Damn it, that's not what I mean." Dean leaned back to his side of the car and slapped the button to turn off the stereo. "You've been hiding how bad it's been. Has _anything_ gotten better since Gabriel got back?"

Sam felt mildly impressed that Dean asked without hesitation, given that the question basically translated to _"Have things improved since you started boning the archangel again?"_ That didn't mean he particularly wanted to answer the question, but Dean wore an expression that clearly said he wasn't going to let the matter slide.

"Are you up for this? Seriously? 'Cuz Bobby and I thought you were doing better than it seems you really are." It didn't look like Dean was about to pull out onto the road again until he got an answer.

Sam resigned himself to his brother's interrogation. "He's been helping," Sam mumbled. He avoided Dean's gaze as he crossed his arms. "I thought I was doing okay, things were sort of getting better." He sighed before reluctantly continuing, "There's been a couple really intense... nightmares the past few days."

"What sort of things are we talking about here, Sammy?"

Dean had to know what a loaded question that was. Sam wondered how much truth his brother actually expected to get. Sam knew he had to choose his words carefully, giving enough information to assure his brother that he wasn't hiding anything important. They'd had more than enough lying between each other over the years and unfortunately Dean was quick to assume the worst. At the same time, Sam didn't need Dean worrying about things he couldn't fix. Just as Dean had avoided divulging details of his time spent in Hell, Sam had no desire to go in depth.

"They're about the Cage," Sam muttered. "You know... Hell stuff." From the corner of his eye Sam saw Dean grimace and nod.

"Yeah, uh..." Dean shifted and put his hand back on the steering wheel. "Yeah. I hear you."

Sam let out a near silent sigh of relief when Dean pulled back onto the road. Sometimes he was extremely grateful for the Winchester reluctance to talk things out. Dean had experiences and memories of his own to draw on for nightmare material. Sam didn't know what else he could have said, not without providing more detail than he would have been comfortable giving.

Not even Gabriel knew the particulars of the worst memories and Sam preferred to keep it that way. How could he tell Gabriel how far his brothers had Fallen? How could Sam admit to the memories he had managed to block until recently? Memories of being stripped bare in every sense of the word. Bound and beaten and broken, only to be made whole again for the cycle to continue.

Sam hoped no one would ever know the full extent of what he'd experienced. He prayed that in time the nightmares would stop and the memories would fade. Given that recent nightmares had brought blocked memories to the fore, he hoped that the nightmares abated sooner rather than later.

As the Impala crossed into a town out in western Nebraska, Sam focused his thoughts on the werewolf hunt ahead.

*

Gabriel would have liked to be just about anywhere else expect in a Heaven full of angels trying to comprehend the concept of "free will". The old top-down, bureaucratic organization needed to be cleared out and revised; however, there remained a significant population of angels who preferred outright direction and order. Honestly, Gabriel was impressed by the number of supporters for a more democratic organization.

Castiel seemed to have found many like-minded individuals since returning to Heaven. Gabriel had been tempted more than once to make a snide remark about the free will supporters who had remained safely in Heaven during the start of the Apocalypse. It was hard to refrain himself, but Gabriel acknowledged that he had nearly avoided getting involved and that was after he'd spent nearly a millennia on Earth with independent thinking.

The reactions to his return were mixed. The apathetic and positive responses far outweighed the negative, much to Gabriel's surprise. He hadn't yet gotten close enough or had sufficient time to judge Raphael's reaction, which bothered him. His older brother held significant sway over how Heaven's reorganization went. With Michael in the Cage and Gabriel only newly returned, Raphael was considered by most to be a good candidate for sole leadership. The main problem with reorganization, then, lay in swaying mass opinion towards democratic order; but if Raphael decided to take a stab at leadership, Gabriel didn't think there would be much opportunity to challenge the old ways.

*

The phone rang once before Gabriel answered with a chipper, "Hey Sammy!"

Sam wondered where the archangel was answering from. Did he stay in Heaven to take the call or "step out" for a bit? "Told you I'd call," he said, dismissing his idle curiosity. He had his laptop open on the table in front of him as he scanned the local news reports.

"You're in town, I assume. So how's it looking?"

"The sort of things you'd expect with werewolf attacks. Timing is the only unusual thing. Dean should be back soon with autopsy reports, just in case there's something more there."

"Any leads?" Gabriel asked.

Sam glanced at the notepad sitting next to the keyboard where he'd jotted down addresses and sketched a map. "It's a little spread out... so we might be dealing with more than one," he concluded.

"Don't underestimate these things, kiddo. This may not be a pack, but more than one can get tricky if they catch scent of predators."

Snorting, Sam muttered, "I can do my job, thanks." He wasn't as irritated as he might have been since he could detect a hint of honest worry in his lover's voice.

"So, how's Heaven?" Sam asked. He didn't know how to picture what it was like for angels. For humans he knew the environment was made from memories. Did angels simply wander through the worlds dreamt up by mortals? With what he now knew about angels, Sam couldn't imagine a white, fluffy cloud-covered scene as depicted by so many minds throughout the centuries. Gabriel's clipped reply cut into his thoughts.

"Fine." Apparently realizing Sam would continue to pry out more information, Gabriel continued, "Castiel has a lot of fans. I think we better watch that it doesn't go to his head."

Sam grinned. "You're just jealous."

"Nah," Gabriel countered, "I'm perfectly fine just appreciating the fact that no one's tried to stab me yet."

The memory of Lucifer's hand driving Gabriel's own blade into his heart made Sam's breath catch in his throat. _Don't joke,_ he thought desperately, remembering all too clearly the weight of the archangel's blade and the amount of pressure it took to stab through muscle and bone. Lucifer had made sure Sam experienced the memory first hand, enough times that Sam had lost count of that particular torture.

"Winchester, you answer me right now or so help me, I will come down there and tear that town apart to find your crappy hotel room!" Gabriel's voice came through loud and insistent over the phone, demanding attention. Sam finally reconnected with the present and released a shaky breath.

It sounded like Gabriel let out a relieved sigh. "Jeez, kid. I wasn't boring you to sleep, was I?"

Sam went with the tease rather than dwell on his mini panic attack. "Well, you weren't really answering my question, so why listen?"

"It's all this politics stuff. _Boring_." Gabriel drew out the last word to emphasize his point. "Do you like that stuff? You're totally welcome to take my place."

"Maybe you should step up, I know you like attention," Sam said with a smile.

"Order isn't really my thing," Gabriel complained. His voice suddenly lowered, taking on a more intimate tone; "Besides, the only real attention I want is from you."

Warmth flushed Sam's skin at the implication, which was embarrassing considering that he'd long grown out of the blushing stage and the comment had been pretty innocent. "You're just trying to get out of seeing your family," he muttered.

Gabriel's chuckle was warm and familiar. "Is it working?"

"A little," Sam admitted as he leaned back in his chair. "You've been spoiled," he said, thinking about the last couple weeks at Bobby's and away from hunting.

The levity in the angel's voice became a little strained. "Never say I don't make up for lost time."

Sam closed his eyes briefly when he heard the implied apology. He'd heard that tone fairly often recently and he wasn't sure how to react.

Luckily the rumble of the Impala's engine gave him a way out and he straightened in his chair. "Hey, Dean's back so I should go."

"Keep me updated."

"Will do."

*

Turned out there were _three_ werewolves using the town as their hunting ground. The third showed up while Dean was on one side of a fenced-in parking lot and Sam was on the other, each brother engaged in a fight. The creatures had a lot of weight to throw around in addition to their preternatural strength, making the fights more difficult than expected. Sam had just managed to roll away from his target and aim his gun when the third werewolf appeared and tackled him. Claws dug into his arm and wretched it until Sam was forced to drop his gun.

With his free hand Sam fumbled for the silver knife sheathed at his hip. He managed to move quick enough to pull it free and stab the creature's chest. With a pained howl his attacker fell back and Sam lunged for his gun. He only got off one shot, miraculously an effective one that felled the already wounded beast. Before the dead body even hit the ground, Sam had an enraged werewolf attached to his back.

Sam stumbled and fell face-first into the pavement. He was at an impossible angle to get a shot off and his silver blade was lodged in the creature. _Seriously?_ he thought with no lack of irritation and self-derision. He felt the claws slice into his injured shoulder and the creature's fetid breath blew against his cheek. _Vampire nests, Yellow-Eyes, ghouls, and the fucking Devil, but it's a damn werewolf that's about to take me out._

"Hey shitface!" Dean's shout coincided with a trio of gunshots. The werewolf's howl trailed off into a whine as it collapsed heavily on top of Sam. Despite the weight still pinning him down, Sam closed his eyes and said a silent thank you for his brother's impeccable timing.

"Come on, princess, there's no sparkly transformation turning this beast into Prince Charming."

Sam rolled his eyes and pushed up when Dean kicked the creature off his back. "Don't sound so disappointed." Sam smirked; "Someday your prince will come." He went to retrieve his silver knife and grimaced as he pulled it from the werewolf's torso.

"How bad is it?" Dean asked in his no-nonsense voice.

"They got a few good swipes in," Sam said. He looked down at his ruined shirt – torn and bloody – and used the bottom to wipe off his knife.

"You pull anything?" Dean asked, moving closer and squinting in the dim street light. He frowned at the claw marks in Sam's shoulder. "Looks like we're stitching you up, too."

Sam gingerly felt at his shoulder and reluctantly admitted, "Strained something."

"Well aren't you the delicate flower tonight," Dean joked. "Come on, let's get back to the hotel and cleaned up. I think we even have the good pills, it's your lucky day."

"Yeah, sure," Sam replied, feeling a little annoyed as he looked over his brother's cut-free form. Bracing a hand against his wrenched shoulder, Sam made his way to the Impala.

*

Sam needed help getting his shirt off since drying blood made it stick to his shoulder and back. Dean easily sliced it away and after a quick look to make sure his brother wasn't about to bleed out, pointed Sam to the shower. Sam didn't take long, mostly focusing on clearing out open wounds and letting hot water ease some of his aches. When he came out of the bathroom wearing a pair of sweatpants and his hair still dripping trails of water, Dean had the first aid kit spread out on the bed and side table.

"Told you we had the good stuff," Dean said, holding up a pill bottle and rattling it. "I think I can finish stitching you up before it kicks in; take 'em now."

Sam accepted the pills and a bottle of water as he sat down on the bed. He hissed when the peroxide fizzed over his deeper cuts and Dean finished clearing out the wounds.

"So what other things aren't following the usual cycle?" Sam asked, trying to distract himself from the pain of his brother stitching him up. It had been a while since they'd had to do this with only some basic local anesthetic cream.

"Bobby's gotten some calls about loner creeps starting to team up. More ghouls are going out of the way to kill and feed rather than wait for meals-on-wheels." Dean tightened a stitch before continuing. "Also hearing about things that shouldn't be stateside. Rufus called in about a lamia and an okami."

Surprised, Sam asked, "Anyone have a theory for the changes?"

"Apocalypse averted, time for the other evil shits to crawl out and celebrate? I don't know, man. I think Bobby and Rufus have been talking about it." Dean tied off the last stitch. "You've got another cut here I should get. Think you can stay awake a few more minutes?"

"Huh?" Sam opened his eyes, not having realized he'd closed them. He blinked a few times to clear his vision and then nodded. "Um, yeah. Just a bit."

Dean snorted but apparently decided it would be okay; he started on the next claw mark.

A few minutes later, Dean hauled Sam up and pushed him towards the bed clear of supplies. Sam barely had the energy to think of crawling beneath the covers before he fell asleep.

*

_Space and scenery were strange things in the Cage, changing without clear explanation and frequently more bare than full. Currently a diffused sort of dim light made visible shadowy walls and dark shapes that appeared to be cloth-covered furniture like in an old, abandoned house._

_"Sam? Sam, are you...? Are you, you?" a hesitant voice called._

_Sam unfolded himself from the dark corner he had curled himself into at the sound of the familiar voice. Cautiously he moved a little farther into the open and looked for the source. "Adam?"_

_Adam's pale face appeared above a couch-like form a couple yards away. "Sam? It's really you, right?"_

_"Y-yeah," Sam replied in a shaky exhale. He shivered as he pushed himself to his feet and moved slowly to his half-brother. As he drew closer he could see that Adam was also shivering. Sam didn't remember when the temperature had changed from literally blistering heat to the borderline frigid temperatures. "Are you okay?" he asked and immediately wanted to kick himself._

_A humorless smile crossed Adam's lips as he stepped around the couch and closed the distance between them. "Good as I can be for now, I guess." He shuddered and crossed his arms tightly against his chest. "Cold. Really, really c-cold. But it's been worse," he said quietly._

_"I'm sorry," Sam whispered. The temperature seemed to be dropping again, so he followed Adam's example and tucked his hands under his armpits._

_Adam shrugged. "I thought Hell was supposed to be hot," he said._

_"I don't know. Maybe it changes. Maybe it's just the Cage." Sam nodded at the couch and stepped forward. "Let's sit down, huh?"_

_They sat close together, hunched side-by-side to share what little heat they could._

_After several minutes passed in silence, Adam tilted his head and whispered, "Is he still running around your head?"_

_Sam offered a crooked smile as he replied, "No. They don't need vessels here." The lack of need hadn't stopped Lucifer from slipping back into Sam from time to time, however. "Is... is Michael still with you?" he asked hesitantly._

_Adam shook his head and hunched closer. "I don't think so. No, not right now." Not the most encouraging of answers, but then Sam had started to think Michael had more in common with Lucifer than anyone wanted to admit._

_Another indeterminate amount of time spent huddled close and shivering passed in silence._

_Eventually Adam asked, "Do you think my mom's okay?"_

_"She's in Heaven, Adam." Sam smiled a little, remembering the Roadhouse and Ash and Pamela. "She's surrounded by her happiest memories. It's okay, Adam, she's safe."_

_"I'm all she had," Adam said in a monotone. "She's probably waiting for me. But we'll never get there."_

_Sam flinched as the fond recollections of his glimpses of Heaven splintered apart. He had known he was condemning himself when he decided to say Yes, even if he hadn't thought in detail about what that meant for his "immortal soul". Adam had made no such choice; Sam dragged him down and denied him... everything._

_There was nothing Sam could say or do to make things right with Adam._

_The ensuing silence weighed on Sam heavily with a surge of shame and guilt. He hardly dared to breathe lest he draw attention to himself. Adam hadn't raged at him, not yet, and although Sam knew he'd deserve whatever his half-brother may decide to dish out, he didn't want to face that. It wasn't that he expected an ally in the Cage, but he wasn't sure he could handle another entity trying to tear into him._

_A burst of painfully bright light made Sam cover his eyes. Even with his eyes closed he could tell the light took a long time to fade. Adam leaned against his shoulder heavily and gasped. Hesitantly Sam opened his eyes and although it still hurt to look, he couldn't turn from the sight of Lucifer standing calmly a few yards away._

_The Morningstar had his arms at his side as he watched the brothers on the couch. His skin and the air around him danced with gold and cream-colored light. It took a few moments for Sam to realize Lucifer had his wings spread._

_"Sam," Adam whispered harshly. His fingers curled into Sam's shirt and tugged insistently._

_Sam licked his lips nervously and unfolded himself so that he could stand. He stood in front of Adam and gently removed his brother's fingers from his sleeve. Lucifer looked amused by his actions._

_"I could have you kill him, you know. You have no ability to save anyone here." Lucifer took a step forward and the shimmer of light moved with him. Sam flinched as something brushed his cheek and the sharp snap of a spark followed. "What do you think, Sam? Shall I tie you up and make you watch, or let you handle the knife?" Lucifer's wings moved again, brushing along Sam full-length this time and causing a series of loud, bright static-like sparks. The rapid-fire sound had Adam leaning away from Sam and whimpering quietly._

_"You want me, take me," Sam said, somehow managing to keep his voice steady._

_Lucifer smiled enigmatically. "Oh Sam, there are so many ways I can interpret that. You shouldn't be so open."_

_The dark promises underlying the statement made Sam shudder. If Adam hadn't been making small, frightened noises behind him, Sam would have at least attempted to run._

_Lucifer's gaze slid past Sam as he stepped forward. With a strengthened resolve to protect his brother from the Devil's torments, Sam moved to intercept Lucifer. "Adam, go!"_

_"Sam?" Adam sounded surprised._

_"Just—_ Go _, damn it!" Sam didn't give himself time to think as he rushed the archangel. He was close enough to touch when Lucifer raised a hand and calmly flicked his wrist. Sam went flying through the air and hit the ground in a daze several yards away._

_It took a while for Sam to catch his breath and clear his head._

_Sam looked up and groaned when he saw Adam still standing where he'd been when Sam told him to run. Lucifer glanced negligently at Sam; when their gazes met, the Devil smirked and turned to Adam._

_"No! Adam,_ run _!" Sam scrambled to get up, desperate to try anything that might spare his brother._

_Then he heard a quiet chuckle that made him freeze in his half-crouch. He stared in shock at his brother. Adam's lips twitched up in an amused smirk as he met Sam's stare. Sam's mouth shaped Adam's name in silent question._

_"Oh Samuel, you have such_ hope _, don't you." Adam's smile widened and he glanced at Lucifer. "He's quite amusing, Brother."_

_The Morningstar inclined his head in silent acknowledgment._

_Sam scrambled to his feet and stepped back as the other two beings –_ archangels _– approached him. "Where's my brother?" he whispered._

_Michael waved his hand dismissively. "Him? He hasn't been around for years, Mortal. Adam burned out, couldn't hold his own. Most human souls are so... fragile. A shame, really." He ran a considering gaze over Sam from head to toe._

_"His soul is unique," Lucifer said as he stepped past his brother and closed in on Sam. The human couldn't back away quick enough to avoid the hand that reached out to grab his bicep. "Resistance always on your mind until that very last breath..." The expression on Lucifer's face was unexpectedly bemused. "It's impressive, to be sure, but you will break eventually."_

_Michael joined them, closing his fingers tightly around Sam's other arm. "There is much I can share with you, Brother."_

_Sam struggled to pull free but succeeded only in making his shoulders ache as he pulled against the immoveable hold of two archangels. His sorrow for Adam took a backseat to his terror at being the focus of two angels clearly interested in causing him harm. Lucifer had been twisting souls for millennia, but Sam had no doubt that Michael could contribute his own brand of torture._

Please let it be quick. Get it over with... _Sam didn't know why he bothered begging anymore, even in his mind. There was no one to hear him, and even if there was, as far as he knew no one else could invade the Cage. Lucifer had no mercy and Michael seemed disinclined to grant any to the human who had trapped them in an eternal prison._

_Lucifer was probably right; sooner or later Sam would give into the inevitable and submit completely. He didn't know if there was a permanent death waiting for him or if his soul would be corrupted and torn to shreds. He just hoped Dean would never have to know._

_"We shouldn't leave him guessing," Michael said, looking falsely considerate. "I suggest a change in scene." He glanced around and after a few seconds, their surroundings began to transform._

_The cloth-covered shapes faded to darkness and previously shadowed walls closed in on them. Sam felt chains wrap tightly around his wrists and ankles and yank him backwards. Lucifer pressed his hand against Sam's chest and the human felt his back press against something flat and metal. The metal plane tilted silently until Sam lay horizontal on his back with feet spread and arms pinned down near his sides._

_Michael leaned over Sam's head wearing an eerie smile. "You'll have to let me know if I detailed our setting appropriately. I'm trying for authenticity here."_

_Sam nervously looked around. He'd visited more than enough morgues to immediately recognize the surroundings._

_He felt his blood run cold when he saw Michael offering a tray of autopsy equipment to Lucifer. "Brother, you may have the honor."_

***


	3. Will no one stay awake with me?

**Three: Will no one stay awake with me?**

Gabriel stood in the middle of nowhere, Nebraska, frowning up at the lightening sky as he listened to Sam's voicemail kick in. It was the second call he'd made, the first attempted from Heaven to give the Winchesters an ETA. It hadn't taken long by mortal standards to make the appropriate excuses and farewells, but Gabriel had felt antsy since the first attempt.

Hitting the end button on his cell, Gabriel made a mental call to Castiel.

"Gabriel. I must thank you for your support," Castiel began when he appeared.

"Yeah, yeah, later." Gabriel waved his hand dismissively. "Call Dean, find out where they are. We're going for a visit."

Castiel blinked in what looked like surprise. His gaze caught on Gabriel's cellphone and he seemed to catch onto the problem without prompt. With a minute shrug, Castiel pulled his cell from a pocket.

Gabriel crossed his arms and tapped his foot impatiently as he listened to the conversation.

 _"What?"_ Dean asked sleepily from the other end of the line.

"I wish to know your location."

The human sounded a little more awake with his next question. _"Dude, what's wrong?"_

"Gabriel wishes for us to visit," Castiel said. "Your location?"

Some halfhearted grumbling preceded the muttered address. Gabriel landed inside the motel room as Dean finished the final syllable. As the human stared at him open-mouthed, Castiel arrived, shutting off his cellphone as he did.

Dean's voice remained below normal volume as he scowled at the angels. "What the hell?" he complained, pushing himself up in bed after glaring at the clock. "A 'visit'? In case you forgot, humans need something called sleep."

Gabriel firmly shoved Castiel in the elder Winchester's direction and moved to Sam's bed. The archangel ignored the tense, low-volume argument taking place behind him as he sat on the bed with his legs stretched out next to Sam. Amazingly enough, Sam lay still on his stomach with his face turned toward the wall. A glance at the side table revealed Sam's cell and a quick check assured that the ringer was on at full volume. Gabriel felt confused why his lover hadn't responded.

The archangel smoothed his hand over the sheet covering Sam's back. His fingers encountered rough ridges where there should have been smooth skin.

"Hey! Why didn't you call me?" Gabriel demanded as soon as he lifted the sheet and saw the double lines of stitches. He made a face at the various colored bruises also revealed.

"We hunt the things that go bump in the night, that tends to have some standard hazards," Dean replied drily. In response to Gabriel's glare, he rolled his eyes. "Dude, how many times do you need to start this argument? We got this, jeez. Sammy doesn't need you to hold his hand with every little thing that happens."

Gabriel scowled and started gently brushing his thumb over bruised flesh, each touch speeding the body's recovery. "Werewolf claw marks don't quite fall in the 'little things' category."

Dean glared back. "If it was something to worry about, trust me, I'd be the first one demanding some angel mojo. The general aches and strains and stitches, though? We got this." He threw back the blankets from his bed and stalked toward the bathroom. "It's too early to be dealing with you," he muttered.

Deciding to ignore the underlying issues wrapped up in Dean's rant for now, Gabriel focused on healing the deep claw marks. He snapped away the no longer necessary stitches and placed his palm over the newly smooth skin.

Sam still hadn't twitched. Gabriel frowned.

"Shouldn't he be awake?" Castiel asked from the edge of Dean's bed.

"Yeah, he should," Gabriel muttered in agreement.

Dean rejoined them and said, "We got in late and he had the good painkillers. That sort of thing tends to knock you out." Despite the casual front, Gabriel could sense a seed of doubt bothering Dean.

Gabriel firmed his hold on Sam's shoulder and shook him. "Sam. Hey, how're you feeling, kiddo?" He repeated both actions and words a second time. And a third. Not a single change. The human's breathing pattern didn't change, his fingers didn't twitch, his legs didn't shift.

"Something is wrong," Castiel stated grimly. Dean let out a frustrated sound.

"Cool your jets," Gabriel muttered, trying to ignore the other two. He kept one hand on Sam's shoulder and brought his other up to place his fingertips gently over Sam's eyes. _Sorry, kiddo, but you're scaring us here._

"What—?"

Castiel interrupted Dean's question. "Hush. Gabriel will reach your brother in his mind."

Gabriel closed his eyes and reached into Sam's mind.

~

Gabriel struggled to grasp a path of coherency from the pandemonium inside Sam's mind. Multiple threads tangled together in a dark mass, making it difficult to figure out where Sam's consciousness was currently active. Gabriel hesitated a moment before reaching out and skimming metaphysical fingers along the threads.

 _Monster. There's something wrong with me. Is that why Mom died? Dean says Dad doesn't blame me, but I think he does._ Images of yellow-eyed demons, Azazel, and demon blood flashed along the thread until Gabriel pulled away.

Gabriel tried to move quickly through his search, knowing he shouldn't invade his lover's privacy; neither did he want to stir up memories and feelings that might have otherwise settled. He caught glimpses of memory and impressions of emotions. 

Several threads seemed somehow raw. Gabriel brushed against one and was immediately pulled into a scene he recognized all too well. He stared in shock as Sam stood in Lucifer's stead in the Elysian Fields ballroom. Sam stabbed the archangel blade into the memory-Gabriel's chest. Gabriel saw Sam's eyes widen in horror seconds before Lucifer and the human split into two. Sam followed the empty vessel to the floor and pleaded with the Devil to stop.

 _Sammy—_ Gabriel stopped himself from reaching out when he realized that Sam wasn't actively reliving the memory.

Steeling himself, Gabriel moved on to a new thread, and another and another. Screams and whimpers filled the memories of Sam's time in the Cage. Gabriel struggled through darkness and fire and blood, not stopping to try and process the scenes because he could finally sense he was drawing closer.

Gabriel broke through a veil of hazy shadows and found himself staring at a row of morgue drawers. A low murmur followed by a squelching noise and a human gasp turned Gabriel's attention.

Nausea and rage battled for dominance.

"Did you know that it would take hours even under normal circumstances for a human to die from disembowelment?" Adam, the Winchesters' half-brother, stood at the foot of a metal autopsy table.

Lucifer, leaning over the middle of the table on the opposite side, gave a derisive snort. "Mortal bodies make such frivolous attempts to stay alive." He straightened up, revealing his arms covered to the elbow with blood. In his hands he seemed to weigh a stretch of uncoiled intestine.

Adam's body reached out to take a portion of the intestine. The vessel wasn't nearly large enough to block Gabriel's view of the human on the table now that Lucifer had straightened. Sam's head had been tilted forward just enough that he would be looking down the length of his own body whenever he opened his eyes. At the moment his eyes were wide and he looked all too awake.

As Sam's chest heaved with terrified breaths, bared muscle from the Y-incision expanded and contracted.

"Still with us, Sammy?" Lucifer asked, casually dropping the organ he'd been holding. Gabriel flinched away at the sound and sight of intestine following gravity and slipping off the table in loud slip-sliding _plops_.

Michael's vessel rounded the table to stand opposite Lucifer, and for a moment Gabriel's focus locked on his brothers. As corrupted as Lucifer's grace had become after his Fall, the Morningstar remained bright and astonishingly beautiful. But Gabriel had trouble recognizing his eldest brother, who had always been the righteous one; Michael was limned in mottled-looking light with patches of darkening grace.

The archangel who had once been canonized for his mercy reached into Sam's torso and curled his fingers beneath the human's bottom ribs. Michael's arm jerked back and bone snapped; Sam screamed.

"No!" Gabriel yelled, finally breaking free of his paralyzing shock. He ran forward and attempted to pull his brother away. The memory's figures didn't react at all. Gabriel could feel the form of Michael's arm beneath his hands, but he wasn't fully engaged in the memory replay.

Between the efforts of Lucifer and Michael, Sam's snapped ribs were pressed aside, exposing the hurried movements of lungs and heart. The human squeezed his eyelids shut but his eyes kept opening and stared at the horror scene his torso had become.

Gabriel shoved past his brothers and cupped his hands around Sam's face. " _Please_ , Sammy. Listen to me, it's over!" Gabriel leaned in and pressed his forehead against the human's. "Please..." Sam continued to react as if Gabriel wasn't there.

Sam's terror-filled cry coincided with another loud snap of bone and a sickening squelch of human organs being handled. Gabriel clutched desperately at Sam, both physically and with his grace. " _Please, Sam!_ " he begged. "Wake up, you can wake up! You're safe, I promise. I _promise_ , Sam!"

"Humans consider it romantic to give their heart to their lover," Michael remarked.

Lucifer released a bark of laughter.

Sam suddenly began wheezing, little whimpers escaping every now and again. Gabriel kept begging his lover to wake, voice filled with desperation.

_Please, please come back..._

~

"Gabriel! Brother, you must control yourself!" Castiel's firm mental yank and vocalized command pulled the archangel out of Sam's head. "Dean, I told you – keep your eyes covered!"

Gabriel whirled and smacked away the hand Castiel had placed on his shoulder. He opened his mouth to yell but stopped when he got a good look around. He realized the room's contents were vibrating and grace light flickered across Dean, who stood in the corner with an arm over his face.

"Brother," Castiel spoke again, voice firm. "You must calm yourself."

Anger, grief, and desperation rushed through Gabriel's being at the insinuation that he _could_ somehow be calm. He wanted to rage at Castiel for his ignorance. Dean's shout of pain finally tugged on Gabriel's sense of reason.

Borrowing a human method to calm down, Gabriel took great gulps of air and pulled his grace back into place as he steadied his roiling emotions. He folded his wings and tucked them out of human sight, but kept them close to shield Sam.

"Fireworks over?" Dean demanded gruffly after the vibrations settled and the room was illuminated only by the dawn light filtering in through the curtains.

"It is safe for you to open your eyes," Castiel agreed, his gaze only briefly turning to the human.

Gabriel snapped his fingers to set the room to rights. He resettled on the bed next to Sam and wrapped his wings closer.

"Christ. What the hell was that?" Dean asked as he came forward. He blinked furiously, probably trying to clear his sight after catching too many flashes of exposed grace. He approached the bed and Gabriel tensed, his instincts demanding that he keep everyone at bay. Fortunately Castiel recognized the body language and put a hand on Dean's shoulder to keep him back. "What?" Dean snapped, glaring at the angels. "What's going on?"

"Can you continue to contain yourself?" Castiel asked.

"Fine," Gabriel snapped. He had his grace constrained to his vessel again in a tight enough hold that he wouldn't be a danger to the humans. Even so, his entire being vibrated with tension and suppressed emotions. "I can't wake him," he confessed in a monotone.

Dean's face scrunched up in worry. "Why? What happened to you?"

"He acted like I wasn't there!" Gabriel's hands gently smoothed over Sam's torso. Carefully he let a little of his grace drift through his touch.

Castiel quietly asked, "What did you see?"

 _Too much,_ Gabriel thought. _It's too much to hold together. He'll fall apart if I can't figure out what to do._

"Gabriel, answer the damn question!" Dean demanded, fear and worry overriding the anger of the command.

Gabriel's wings quivered as he tensed over the memories of what he'd seen. "They did terrible things," he whispered. "Michael, he... he was _instructing_ Lucifer." Gabriel pressed his palm against Sam's cheek and reached out. _Sam. Wake up._

"Brother—" Castiel appeared at Gabriel's side, hand outstretched but not yet touching. "I do not advise another venture into Sam's mind at this time."

"You didn't see them!" Gabriel snarled, glaring at his brother but curling over Sam protectively. "I won't let him stay there!"

Dean took the opportunity to move closer. Even though he looked wary of Gabriel, who'd started to glow again with barely contained grace, he said, "You weren't reaching him, man. I'm no expert, but I think if you could've gotten Sammy up he would've reacted to the lightshow you were putting on."

Gabriel avoided the concerned stares and Castiel's readiness to interfere. _This wasn't what he started with,_ he thought as he stared at Sam's pale, still face. _But the past week's been so bad. Does he see this every night? Father. How does he manage to function? Why didn't you tell me, Sammy?_

Castiel's stance relaxed minutely when Gabriel didn't make another attempt to delve into Sam's mind.

"What else can we do?" Dean asked.

"Wait it out," Gabriel muttered reluctantly. He adjusted to lay beside his lover, his arms curled over the human. "When I can't wake him, he has to wake up himself." Gabriel's fingers found the tattoo on Sam's arm and he placed his palm over the sigil.

"Could you, I don't know, like send him visions of sugarplums or something?" Dean asked without much confidence.

"His mind's not letting me alter things," Gabriel admitted. He tightened his embrace as he remembered trying to block Sam's view of the vivisection and outright banish the memory.

Abruptly the archangel hissed, "We should have killed them." He still had trouble getting the words out, his heart heavy, but he didn't feel compelled to take them back.

Dean sat down on his bed and bitterly remarked, "I thought you were all about finding a way around that."

"If you saw what they did you'd want to unlock the Cage just to kill them!" Gabriel replied.

"Then tell me, _what did you see_?"

Gabriel pushed himself up a little and leaned over Sam's body as he retorted, "If Sam wanted you to know, he'd have told you. I'd think you would understand given your silence about Hell."

The human visibly bristled. Dean jabbed a finger in Gabriel's direction. "The only reason _you_ know is because you invaded his head!"

"I'm not going to sacrifice his sanity just to respect some sense of privacy!" Gabriel snapped.

Before the argument could continue, Castiel stepped directly between them and broke the glares Gabriel and Dean had fixed on each other. "Desist!" Castiel frowned at both of his companions. "We are all concerned for Sam's wellbeing. Quarreling is not conducive to aiding his recovery."

"Have you got an idea?" Dean muttered.

Castiel dipped his head in a brief nod before facing Gabriel. "I understand you cannot wake Sam at this time, but there may be a moment when his mind is vulnerable to external interference. Together we should be able to guide him to consciousness."

Gabriel returned his gaze to Sam and frowned when he saw beads of sweat forming on the human's brow. "Better be soon," he muttered.

"Yeah," Dean echoed hollowly.

_Come on, Sammy. Find your way back to us._

*

 _Sam felt like he was melting from the intense heat surrounding him. It was a sharp contrast to the freezing cold he and Adam had face—_ Not Adam, _he reminded himself._ Adam's gone.

_"Is this fitting enough for your human sensibilities?" Lucifer appeared, leaning casually against some invisible wall with his arms crossed. He raised an eyebrow at Sam's silence. "Don't you have that quaint saying, 'hot as Hell'?"_

_Sam didn't take his eyes off the Fallen archangel as he took a step back, anxious to put some additional distance between them; even if it ultimately made no difference, it still offered a modicum of comfort to do_ something.

_"You're awfully quiet, Sam, I've come to expect more from you." Lucifer's eyes narrowed, like he was trying to see into the human's mind. Sam didn't know why Lucifer would be having trouble with that now, when he so commonly invaded his mind in the past. "You've become harder to read," Lucifer mused aloud. "Did you really manage to come up with those barriers on your own?"_

_"Leave me alone," Sam said, voice still hoarse from screaming. Oh God, now he remembered what had come before. He wrapped his arms tightly around himself but could still feel his body trembling even in the boiling heat._

_Lucifer's gaze raked over the human for a few moments before he threw his head back and laughed. "Oh Sam, you're going to make this too easy!"_

_Drawing strength from his anger, Sam bit out, "It's over! Go away!"_

_The Devil cocked his head, wearing a curious expression. "Do you think so?" He straightened up and walked forward, arms spread. His smirk widened when Sam took a step back for every one he made forward. "It's never over, Samuel. This—" he waved a negligent hand at their indefinite surroundings "—is not memory. That is what you've been dreaming about, isn't it? Memories of your stay in Casa del Diablo?"_

_"Get the fuck away from me," Sam hissed, trying to block the Devil's words. He was starting to realize he was dreaming, locked in a nightmare. He should be waking up by now, shouldn't he? Why wasn't he waking up?_

_"You don't think I could just let you leave, did you?" Lucifer actually pouted, the expression strange and disturbing on his face. "But I've missed you, Sam. Michael isn't very interesting company. You're just... so much more fun. It's much more entertaining when we get to host someone like you."_

_Sam shuddered at the emphasis on "entertaining". His gaze darted around, looking for some escape._

_"Hmm..." The Devil's thoughtful hum brought to mind several horrors that caused chills to run down Sam's spine. He tensed instinctively and flinched when he saw the amused look in Lucifer's eyes. "So he really is here..." Lucifer's gaze locked on Sam and he smiled. "Miracles don't come without cost, Sam," he murmured._

_The Morningstar vanished. Nothing showy, just one second he was there and the next, gone._

_"Sammy, wake up. Please."_

_Sam turned around, looking for the angel calling his name._

_"Sam, we have provided a bridge."_

_"C'mon, Sammy, just need you to reach out and I'll catch you."_

_Sam couldn't see Castiel or Gabriel so he wasn't quite sure what to do, but he unfolded his arms and spread them wide. "I'm here! Gabriel, please!" He turned full circle, slowly this time as he looked for a sign._

_"I'm coming, Sammy," Gabriel's voice promised even as Castiel muttered some sort of protest. At the sense of a familiar, welcomed presence, Sam almost sobbed in relief. He saw a burst of light first. Even though he had begun to associate the sudden appearance of grace light with Lucifer or Michael, the sense of Gabriel – all Gabriel, comforting, familiar,_ loved _– kept Sam from pulling away._

_"Sammy." Gabriel's wings, three pairs shining in a multitude of colored lights, spread wide and engulfed Sam as the archangel quickly drew close. "Come on, kiddo, before my brother has an aneurysm." Gabriel's tone was teasing but his eyes and smile lacked amusement. Sam gratefully accepted his lover's hand and let himself be pulled up and away—_

***


	4. I've been changed

Sam gulped in air like he had been drowning. He could feel Gabriel's hands holding him up and something more ephemeral caressing his skin. He didn't pay attention to anything else for the time being, letting it all fade to the periphery as he focused on the sensation of gentle grace attempting to soothe his turbulent emotions and painful breaths.

"Sam! Sammy, you okay?" Dean's voice eventually broke through the white noise and Sam opened his eyes and turned his head. Dean half stood from his mattress but remained across the small space between the beds.

"'M fine," Sam said, despite the obvious lie, made all the more obvious by Sam pressing closely against Gabriel. He breathed a sigh of relief when the archangel's arms wrapped around him securely, and he felt Gabriel press himself against Sam's side.

"You're not fine," Dean retorted, making a face.

Gabriel nuzzled against Sam's neck and muttered, "But you will be."

"Jesus." Dean dropped back to the mattress and dragged a hand over his face. "Sammy... I didn't know. I had no idea the painkillers would be a problem."

Sam made a confused noise and moved his gaze between his brother and the two angels. "That's why I couldn't wake up?"

Dean grimaced. "Yeah, guess so."

Gabriel's arms tightened around Sam and the human realized he could see a glow faintly outlining what must be a pair of wings surrounding them.

"How are you feeling, Sam?" Castiel asked, voice grave.

Sam thought for a moment on how he might respond. Not that he was feeling particularly _well_ but it was better than nothing. "I'm... tired," he admitted, then laughed a little. It was true. Nightmares, both remembered and newly created, were not conducive to rest.

"What do you..." Dean trailed off, almost flinching when Sam looked him in the eye. Dean's gaze slid away as he mumbled the rest of the question, "What do you dream about?"

Sam tensed, suddenly rushed by images and sensations: freezing cold then boiling hot; Adam's face, pleas to make things right; Michael laughing, chuckling, prodding aside Sam's lungs so that Lucifer could reach into the open chest cavity and clutch Sam's heart—

" _Sam!_ "

"Jesus Christ, Sammy! I'm sorry! I'm sorry, okay?"

Sam took a while to come back to reality. When he brought himself back to a semblance of coherence, he found himself blinking up at Gabriel's determined face. Amber eyes glowed brightly and behind the archangel Sam could see the sparking outlines of wings.

"Sam, I need you to focus." Gabriel's hands felt like clamps over Sam's biceps. "I need you to stay with me here, okay?"

"Y-yeah," the human replied, nodding slowly. His breathing was still a little fast, but he focused on Gabriel filling his vision, giving off heat and light and grace. Sam could still see the wings.

"I-I'm sorry," Dean muttered again, sounding like a chastised child.

Sam couldn't tear his gaze away from Gabriel's wings but he replied, "It's okay, Dean. I'm okay... It's... I c-can't talk about it."

"That's fine. No problem," Dean said quickly.

Gabriel didn't take his eyes away from Sam as he addressed their brothers, "Cas, take Dean somewhere for a bit, okay? We'll be fine here."

"Gabriel—" Dean began in a warning growl.

Castiel interrupted, "I recommend we do as he requests, Dean."

"Damn it," Dean muttered. Sam could hear movement and from the corner of his eyes, though Gabriel's wings made part of his vision hazy, Sam could see Dean stand and move closer to Castiel. "Fine, let's go."

They waited as Dean and Cas left the room. Gabriel continued to watch Sam, eyes worried. His hands lessened the intense grip as he moved his thumbs in comforting circles over Sam's skin.

"Sam, you with me?" the archangel asked, actually looking uncertain.

"Sam?"

"Yeah, I'm..." Sam cut himself off with a humorless chuckle. He turned his head to the side and closed his eyes. "Yeah. Well, I'm here. It's not... my head's not a happy place to be," he admitted.

Gabriel's fingers trailed gently over the human's face. "I wish I could take it all away."

Sam shook his head a little, though he wasn't sure to what he might be responding. Gabriel sighed quietly, breath brushing over Sam's cheek.

Sam opened his eyes and blinked when he realized he could still see Gabriel's wings. Not just the outline or a faint impression, but literally the archangel's _wings_. He blinked again before asking, "Uh, Gabriel...? Why can I see them?"

"See what?"

Sam hesitantly raised his hand, coming within a hairsbreadth of touching the shimmering light. "Your wings."

Suddenly Gabriel's weight shifted and the archangel sat back. His wings rose up and seemed to ripple as he moved. Sam turned his head to get a full view of the wings, and he realized that he could clearly count three pairs.

"You see... What exactly do you see?" Gabriel's eyes were wide, a look of surprise overtaking his expression.

Sam pushed himself up on one arm. His fingers twitched, wondering what it would be like to touch his lover's wings – a part of Gabriel's grace, belonging to his lover, someone who cared for him. Despite the obvious power radiating from the wings, Sam didn't feel afraid. Gabriel lacked the menace that Lucifer and Michael possessed.

"I see..." Sam shook his head a little as he tried to find the words to aptly describe the vision. "Three pairs. Not... not feathers. Light, so full of light and _shining_..." Sam's hand raised of its own accord and he gasped quietly when the nearest wing twitched towards him. Although he could make out the outlines of the room's contents beyond the wings, they had solid mass; the wings seemed to flex beneath Sam's fingertips and his skin tingled. "Beautiful."

Gabriel cupped Sam's face in his hands and gently turned Sam's head to capture the hunter's gaze. The archangel looked stunned or awed, it reminded Sam of how the angel had looked when Gabriel had picked up on Sam's emotions months ago as they sat on Bobby's porch steps. "What? Sam, you shouldn't be able to... They're not— I'm not—" Gabriel opened and closed his mouth for a few seconds, apparently at a loss for words.

"I don't know how you can," Gabriel whispered. His wings shifted, the inner pair curling close and framing Sam in a warm circle. "I hid them so I didn't hurt your brother or you when you woke up."

"I don't hurt," Sam assured. His gaze drifted to his hand and fingers which had begun caressing the bright, semitransparent... membrane? It wasn't exactly the right word, but the wings felt a little like how Sam imagined a bat's wings would feel. Not like a bird, no feathers. Shimmering like water ripples or light from a prism.

Gabriel's thumbs caressed Sam's cheeks. "Oh Sam. It's... I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you."

Sam didn't pay much attention to the words at first, focused still on studying his lover's wings. He made a small noise of inquiry; "Hmm?"

"I was here, wasting my time, with no idea..." Gabriel sounded like his breath caught. "I should have come to get you. I had no idea—"

Sam's stomach clenched with a sense of dread. "You didn't know what?"

Gabriel's wings pressed close until Sam felt cocooned in the glowing appendages. "I should have protected you. I was wrong, I shouldn't have waited. I should have found a way to stop them when it first began."

Sam's eyes widened and his gaze darted to Gabriel's face in surprise. "You saw," he stated numbly. His fingers curled into his palm and he withdrew his hand from Gabriel's wings. He took a shuddering breath and averted his eyes. "You shouldn't have seen that."

Gabriel's hand caught Sam's. "And you shouldn't have to deal with this alone," he replied, expression determined. Gabriel shifted himself so that he could comfortably lay his head on Sam's shoulder. With his body and wings, the archangel blanketed his human lover.

"Gabriel..." Sam trailed off as he searched for what he wanted to say. His heart hammered against his chest as he realized Gabriel had now seen some of the details Sam had tried to keep hidden. "I'm sorry you saw them like that," he finally said with a small grimace. He hadn't wanted Gabriel to see his brothers twisted and broken.

"It's not them I'm worried about," Gabriel growled. "Stop hiding things from me, Sammy. I know you're trying to spare my feelings or something silly and noble like that, but I don't care about it." Gabriel kissed Sam's neck and pressed his hand over the sigil on Sam's arm. " _You're_ the one that matters."

Sam felt overwhelmed as a thread of grace – that had to be what it was – wove through his body as Gabriel nuzzled against his neck. Emotions followed the trail, clearly backing up Gabriel's words with the sense of _grief, protection, 'Mine, you're everything', love_.

Sam didn't think he'd ever meant so much to someone other than his brother. That depth of emotion, the unwavering devotion and stubbornness, went soul-deep and did not fade; and as amazing as it felt now, as it usually felt, Sam knew from experience that it led to trouble.

 _But, God, I need it. Let me have this,_ he begged silently. He threaded his fingers through Gabriel's hair and urged the angel's head up. He captured Gabriel's lips in a desperate kiss, pressing hard and close. _Please let us be._

*

From the werewolf hunt the brothers turned south and drove to take care of what sounded like a typical salt and burn. Gabriel refused to let them leave without first exacting a sworn promise from Dean that the hunter would call if _anything_ slightly unusual came up, and the archangel insisted on being present when Sam tried to sleep.

Had the nightmares and flashbacks been any less intense, Sam would have let his embarrassment rule and countered the argument. As things stood, he quietly acquiesced and decided he could accept his brother's potential teasing – or irritation, depending on Dean's mood.

Gabriel still looked displeased when Castiel insisted they needed to return to Heaven. Sam leaned in for a quick kiss and a murmured promise that he'd make it worth the angel's while. Gabriel responded with a smirk and a wink. It had done the trick, and a moment later he followed Castiel without complaint.

*

"Gabriel."

"Raphael," Gabriel greeted. He had been busy with making meeting arrangements and moderating the more vicious arguments. Gabriel may have been gone for near a millennia, but his age and strength lent a significant advantage with the level of respect most of the other angels gave him. Due to the amount of busywork, he hadn't been able to truly speak to Raphael yet. He supposed it was a good sign that Raphael hadn't just blasted him away. Gabriel glanced briefly at Castiel. His younger brother and Raphael didn't have the best history. Even before the whole recent Apocalypse ordeal, Castiel had not rated high on Raphael's list of favorites. Gabriel had ranked up there once upon a time, though.

"Shall we talk?" Raphael invited.

"Is this a way to take me out quietly?" Gabriel joked. "If it is, well, I've always preferred showy."

If he had been human, Raphael would be rolling his eyes, Gabriel decided. "Don't be such a child," Raphael grumbled.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's get away from the kiddies. See ya later, Cas!" Gabriel waved and darted off, searching for a specific corner of Heaven he'd been clued into only recently. Raphael followed closely.

When they landed on wood floors under the feet of tables and chairs that had seen better days, Raphael's nose scrunched up in distaste. "Where have you brought us, brother?"

Gabriel grinned and headed right up to the bar where a mullet-haired guy and a dark-haired woman were watching the angels suspiciously. Gabriel stuck out his hand to shake and addressed the woman. "Ellen Harvelle, yeah? Nice place you have here. Not sure about grumpy puss, but I'll take a glass of your fruitiest drink." He winked at her confused look. Ellen didn't take his hand, but the kid did.

"Yo. Name's Ash," the human introduced, a spark of intrigue shining in his eye. "Don't get many angels swinging 'round this way."

"Obviously they have poor taste," Gabriel said, making a face. He looked at Ellen expectantly. "What? None of your hunter folk like fruity cocktails? That's a shame. Here, let me provide the supplies." Gabriel snapped and turned away from the bar to wave Raphael over. "Seriously, bro, they don't bite." Gabriel paused to think about that for a second. "Well, they don't bite unless they've been turned into zombies, but hey, that's generally not their fault."

Raphael seemed to edge closer with caution, eyeing the floor and the humans suspiciously. Gabriel rolled his eyes as he watched his brother self-consciously lift his arm clear of a chair that was in the way.

"Who the hell are you?" Ellen demanded as she smacked a glass filled with a riot of colors and enough alcohol to carry the smell clear to Gabriel standing a couple feet away.

"Thank you." Gabriel snapped a twisty straw into the drink and took a sip before answering her. "I'm Gabriel. We have some mutual friends."

"Dude, everyone knows the Winchesters, that ain't impressive," Ash said with a laugh. "And are you talking archangel here? That's gonna be _the_ scoop."

Ellen's gaze darted between the angels, looking wary. "What do you want?"

Raphael narrowed his eyes at Gabriel. "Indeed. What are we doing here?"

Gabriel waved a hand at their surroundings. "Why, I thought this would be a great place to chat! Sure the furniture isn't that welcoming, but I'll take care of that. Seems a fitting setting." Gabriel glanced around and pointed far across the room to a table near one of the pool tables. "Hey, let's go back there and I'll teach you pool."

"Gabriel—"

"Tell me what you're doing here or so help me I will find a way to kick you out," Ellen snapped.

Ash stage-whispered, "Take her seriously, we kinda got an inside line on how to banish angels."

Raphael bristled, looking affronted.

"Chill out," Gabriel said. He rolled his eyes and dropped a hand onto his brother's shoulder. "Raphael, go on back there and wait a sec while I get the guards of the keep calmed down. Don't irritate the lady on her home turf." He arched an eyebrow when Raphael's lips parted.

When he had convinced his brother to go, Gabriel turned back to the humans with a broad smile. "Didn't think you needed a reservation here. First to your question," he said, pointing at Ash. "Yes, archangels. Last two roaming free, by the way. Pretty sure you know that by now given that your friends were the ones causing the commotion."

"And which side were you on?" Ellen asked, arms folded across her chest.

"For a long time? None," Gabriel replied seriously. "But this crazy ragtag group of misfits turned out to have a lot in common with me. Who am I to pass that up?" He winked. "If you've got a message, I'll drop it with the crew when I get back."

"You still visit?" Ellen looked intrigued despite herself. Ash looked like he was memorizing every word of the conversation.

"Nightly visits," Gabriel said with a brief waggle of his eyebrows. "Daily, when I can manage it. Heavenly bureaucracy is a royal pain, though, and since your world was just saved, it doesn't seem right to immediately put it back in peril, right?" Without letting the humans get another comment or question in, Gabriel said, "Now I've got to go get reacquainted with my big brother over there, okay? You and you and me can chat later."

Instead of snapping across the room, he took a humanly stroll across the floor. Gabriel thought again that he rather liked the atmosphere of the Roadhouse.

Raphael wore a bemused expression when Gabriel joined him near a pool table. With a quick snap, Gabriel conjured two comfortable leather armchairs; he figured his brother would appreciate something a little more sophisticated.

"You're quite at home with humans and their things," Raphael commented as he sat. He ran his fingers over the smooth leather as he spoke.

"I've sort of been consorting with pagans since Muhammad received the Word," Gabriel replied with a wry grin. "But you know that."

Raphael inclined his head in silent agreement.

Gabriel was pretty sure Raphael had gotten more difficult to read over the centuries. Stifling the urge to sigh, Gabriel leaned back in his chair and crossed his ankle over his opposite knee. "So, you're not looking for a battle. You don't know how relieved I am to hear that."

Raphael's expression flickered with emotion, almost too brief to catch, but Gabriel knew what grief and regret looked like; he was all too familiar with it.

"I will take up arms when it is required," Raphael stated firmly. "But I have seen too many siblings die on a misguided quest."

Gabriel poked his twisty straw around his drink as he considered that. "Dad wasn't exactly real clear on things. What went on up here... it was what they thought was right. And probably throwing a fit, trying to get Dad's attention."

"Yes," Raphael said, voice bitter. "And when He finally deemed to return, it's to say _hello_."

The distaste with which his brother spoke the word made Gabriel chuckle. "Yeah, Dad's kinda been chilling with the humans, too."

"He returned after we lost Michael to the Cage with our brother; after so many deaths and raising you and _Castiel_."

Gabriel frowned a little. "One, Dad put my Grace to rights but he didn't raise me. Two, I don't know why He's returned Cas twice, but I'm guessing He actually has some sort of Plan. Maybe it's a surprise party," Gabriel mused.

Raphael looked torn between amusement and disgust. "He might at that," he admitted grudgingly.

"I don't know why he waited so long," Gabriel said, seriousness taking over again. He ached with the reminder of the deaths of so many of his brethren; but he also remembered all too clearly Sam trapped in his flashbacks, bleeding and barely holding on and at the mercy of two Fallen archangels.

"Gabriel," Raphael said.

The younger archangel met his brother stare and thought, _This is it. Do we get to mend bridges or are we done?_

Raphael looked perplexed. "You chose _them_ over your family and your own wellbeing. Why?"

Gabriel smiled a little at that. "Luci asked me the same thing. Know what I said? Humans are flawed and breakable. Some are full of such evil, but others are as pure as God's love. Most fall in between, and most of them try to be _better_. They're filled with such emotion and life... They struggle and they overcome. Maybe there's something to be learned from that, from them."

For a long while Raphael said nothing, gaze distant. Gabriel finished his drink and started fishing out bits of fruit with his finger. He could hear the humans whispering over at the bar, and when he stretched his senses a bit he could feel several other souls drifting their way. Apparently the Roadhouse was a popular place.

"You're not claiming some grand gesture out of the pureness of your being," Raphael said, not exactly accusing. "You've changed, brother, and your grace shows it."

It took great self-control for Gabriel to keep from shifting uncomfortably. He wanted to curl his grace close, cautiously keep it near on instinct because in the presence of Heaven and all of his family, it was painfully obvious how different he'd become. His grace was not twisted, not like Lucifer's, nor was it burned and torn as Michael's had looked in Sam's memories; but Gabriel's still showed wear and stains from centuries of hedonistic choices and sadistic whims.

Raphael watched Gabriel carefully, then with some exasperation he said, "I meant it as a question."

Gabriel frowned, confused and surprised by the implication. "Meaning, why'd I take a chance and get stabbed by big brother for my trouble?"

"Something like that," Raphael agreed.

Feeling strangely hesitant, Gabriel focused on swirling the ice around in his empty glass as he spoke. "The Winchesters managed to get the drop on me and asked me to join them. I refused, but they still let me go." Gabriel frowned. "They were asking me to kill our brothers and I couldn't do that. Not then. But that's what everyone wanted those kids to do, too."

"But you joined them."

Gabriel smirked. "Eventually. On my own terms. Figured we could all agree Lucifer need to be put back in timeout." Raphael shrugged, expression bland. "So yeah, I hung out with the misfits." He glanced up and caught his brother's considering stare. "What?"

"You still haven't said why," Raphael pointed out.

Gabriel got the feeling that his brother had at least some idea. Gabriel banished the glass from his hand. He couldn't quite make himself look at Raphael as he murmured, "I stayed for Sam Winchester."

Raphael was silent and when Gabriel glanced at him, he saw a contemplative frown on his brother's face.

"Yeah. For a human," Gabriel continued. His lips quirked up in a small smile. "He's... quite unique."

"He would have to be, to capture your attention."

"He deserves better than what his destiny was supposed to be. Sure, he caused some heartache and made a lot of bad decisions, but he thought they were the right things at the time. He's always been willing to fix his mistakes and tries so hard to do the right things, even if it costs him eternal torture at the hands of a pissed-off archangel!"

After a pause, Gabriel chuckled a little as he observed, "You don't get it. It's not easy to explain."

Raphael shook his head. "Human emotions are... messy."

Gabriel smirked. "It can be worth it. It _is_ worth it," he decided. He felt distracted, wondering idly what the Winchesters were up to and calculating when he would need to head back in time to crawl into bed with Sam and try to keep the nightmares at bay. That reminder was sobering and Gabriel turned his attention back to the present and Raphael.

"He was down there in the Cage with Lucifer and Michael," Gabriel reminded. He had Raphael's full attention and he could see the tension in his brother's posture. "I'm not sure how he held together. Michael is... he has Fallen." Gabriel felt anger simmering underneath the calm he was forcing upon himself as he started revealing what he had seen. "He looks almost worse than Lucifer. He's so—" Gabriel had to close his eyes and re-center himself as anger, grief, and guilt welled up in him.

Raphael's hand dropped over Gabriel's arm and rested there, a warm pressure and weight against his form. Grace – so familiar, matured but otherwise unchanged, comforting, loving, _family_. Gabriel's grace reached out automatically to embrace the bond, reconnecting with one of his closest brothers. It was different; it had been so long since he had shared such a connection. His relationship with Castiel would always be different, not exactly less, but it was unique; it had to deal with the order of Creation and Heavenly family lineage – Gabriel was naturally more closely connected with God's Firsts, the archangels. It felt so good to reunite with this.

With the joint sharing of grace and reconnecting of their brotherly bond, Gabriel could more directly share the feelings and impressions and even images of what he had seen through Sam's flashbacks. He could feel his brother's horror and sorrow; the pain and confusion and regret. To have lost brothers who they had known best. It was so difficult to accept it as truth, but Raphael did not doubt, he accepted it, and somehow that made it easier for Gabriel to bear.

Eventually they parted, graces returning to their separated states and surrounding their manifested bodies in the Heavenly Roadhouse.

Raphael tilted his head a little, momentarily looking quite a bit like Castiel. "You have changed, brother, but it... may not be as bad as I imagined it would be."

Gabriel laughed at that, hearing the nearly amused tone in his brother's voice. It had always been a triumph for Gabriel if he could get his brothers to laugh.

"Samuel Winchester means so much to you?" Raphael asked, tone lilting with an implied, _Really?_

Gabriel felt a bloom of _warmth mine love protect_ brighten his grace and he knew it showed, perfectly obvious to Raphael and probably even to the humans, if the sudden silence across the room was any indication.

Suddenly Gabriel was swept up in a wave of fondness and— _Father_ , Raphael was _laughing_. The sound was unlike any other and Gabriel let himself bask in the feelings that washed over him.

This was his family. This was the love he had missed, the company. This was the family he had wanted.

***


	5. Close your eyes and relax, think of nothing tonight

When Dean cleared his throat uncomfortably about an hour and a half down the road, Sam had a pretty good guess what was coming. He steeled himself for the questions he had known would be inevitable and promised himself he would answer as truthfully as possible. Dean deserved to have a better picture of what was going on after the previous night's sleep disaster; besides which, Sam wasn't entirely sure how much he would need or could rely on Gabriel to solve things. As much as his lover seemed inclined to show up and hang around as much as possible, Sam figured Heaven would need his continuous presence more often, depending on how things were going.

"So," Dean started. He coughed again and shifted in his seat. "You scared the crap out of me, man. What's... going on?"

Sam picked at a fraying thread on the outer seam of his jeans. "The memories... it's the Cage. Always the Cage." He physically and mentally cringed from the remembered images and sensations stirring in his mind. Determinedly he pushed it all back, resolved to not have another panic attack.

Dean exhaled a long sigh, sounding tense. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"

Sam smiled a little and glanced up to catch Dean's gaze and show the truth of his words as he replied, "Yeah, I know." He ducked his head again and continued, "But it's— I get it now, why you didn't want to talk about Hell. I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Dean sounded incredulous. "What've you got to be sorry for? Wait, let's not get into that. It's cool. I mean, is that like gonna make it easier? I don't know – do you _want_ to know?"

Surprised, Sam asked, "You mean tit for tat, you tell me something when I answer your question?"

Dean grimaced but nodded his head. "If you want."

Something in Sam's chest clenched at the realization that his brother was willing to open up if that's what it took; but Sam also feared adding details of the reality of what his brother had suffered.

"No, you don't need to share," Sam said with a shake of his head. He could see Dean relax a little at the out.

"You sure?"

"Yeah." Sam looked down at the thread he had by now managed to twirl around his finger a couple times. The seam was starting to look bare from his constant tugging. He was glad for a few minutes of silence as he tried to gather his thoughts into something coherent but in a way that wouldn't make him relive all the little details as he provided Dean with some of the information.

Eventually he took a deep breath and began, "Lucifer and Michael fought, at first. Arguments with the most epic bitch fits, it was like a warzone. But when they fought..." Sam let out a shuddering exhale. "They'd forget about me."

Sounding hesitant, Dean asked, "Lucifer wasn't wearing you?"

Sam shook his head. "Not usually. After we fell in, we split up. It was usually that way. Sometimes he... slipped back in." Sam shifted uncomfortably, his skin felt chill and weirdly unfamiliar with the memory of the Devil sliding into him like a suit. "Mostly he liked to wear me at the Elysian Fields," he admitted quietly. His hands clenched and unclenched in his lap at the remembered heft of the archangel blade in his hand.

"Shit," Dean muttered.

Sam turned his head to stare blindly out the side window. "He liked to twist things. Confuse realities. Time... I don't know how it passed compared to here or the rest of Hell. It doesn't matter after a while, you know?" Sam licked his lips nervously. "Down there I could _see_ them, really see the archangels for what they were."

"Like wings and stuff?" Dean clarified, sounding rather curious and amazed.

"Yeah, I guess. Kind of like this aura of energy and light around human manifestations of themselves. And it was weird, dude. Lucifer... he's still so _bright_ and it's... beautiful, but like, deadly. Not poisonous, though. There's this— I don't know. There's still something almost _pure_ about him."

Dean grunted with a sound of disbelief. "Oh really," he remarked dryly. "I thought Michael was the 'good son' poster boy for angelic-ness."

Sam couldn't hide a physical flinch at the comment. He thought of Michael's mottled wings and the clinging presence of _wrongness_.

"They stopped fighting," Sam said quietly. He opened his mouth to continue but no words came out. He was assaulted by memories of twisted laughter and calmly spoken instructions that meant so much pain.

"Sammy?" Dean sounded wary.

"Michael... was Falling," Sam finally said. He focused on steadying his heartbeat for a few moments, determinedly pushing back the horrors that were teasing at the edge of his consciousness. "And they pretty much stopped fighting. I mean, they still argued but it wasn't the same sort of blow up and it wasn't as often."

Dean inhaled sharply. "They focused their anger on you." Sam nodded wordlessly.

"We'll stop them – the dreams. Flashbacks, whatever." Sam glanced out of the corner of his eye and saw Dean gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles. "We'll get Bobby or the angels or, shit, even Crowley, to find something. There's gotta be a way to put up a wall or something to keep it all back."

Sam forestalled furthering that train of thought. "I'll been thinking about that," he admitted, "because this... a lot of this is new. Like, only the past couple weeks, even less. I didn't have these memories when I got back or even last month." Sam saw Dean about to protest and clarified, "It was different memories and a lot of nightmares at first. But Dean, this is different. I _know_ I experienced it, these are real memories, flashbacks I can't escape. I think... I think when Kali brought me back she tried to put up a barrier to hold those memories back."

Dean frowned sharply. "If she did, she did a piss poor job of it."

Sam shrugged. "It's just a guess. But new things keep coming up—" He cut himself off with a sharp breath as the memory of the archangels' live autopsy came to mind. He could feel himself trembling and had to work hard to get it under control before Dean saw. "Maybe they can't be locked away," he finished quietly.

Expression set in determination, Dean said, "We're going to try, anyway."

And really, Sam had no desire to disagree.

*

"Ellen! How's it going?"

Gabriel turned his head to look at the new arrivals coming through the Roadhouse's door. Ellen was already busy preparing drinks behind the bar.

"Come on in, you'll be interested in our usual guests," Ellen greeted.

Ash bounced up from his barstool and waved at Gabriel. "Dude, you're gonna want to meet these guys."

Gabriel arched an eyebrow at that but didn't reply, first turning to his brother. Raphael warily eyed the rapidly filling bar. At Gabriel's snicker, Raphael let out a put-upon sigh and stood up. "I believe humans are your specialty. We will speak again, brother."

Gabriel stood as well and snapped away the leather armchairs. "Go on, get outta here. These people can only stand so much awesomeness at once." Raphael looked like he twitched at that before he vanished.

The sound of several people talking over one another drew Gabriel's attention back to the human souls gathering around the bar. With a snap he showed up right in the middle of the group, sitting on the bar countertop. A couple people let out sounds of surprise and stepped back.

Ash nudged through so that he stood by Gabriel's side and introduced, "This is the _archangel_ Gabriel. Apparently he has a line straight to Dean and Sam."

Gabriel let that soak in for the group as he looked them over. Most of the faces were unfamiliar but he quickly identified Mary and John Winchester in the group. He waved at and addressed the group as a whole, but he kept an eye on the Winchester parents;

"Please, I won't do autographs. Maybe later, after you've plied me with chocolate." He pursed his lips thoughtfully. "Yes, chocolate."

"You're an archangel," John said, sounding obviously dubious.

Gabriel inclined his head. "That I am. And you're John Winchester." He smiled brilliantly at Mary standing at John's side. "Mary. Pleased to meet you."

"You're not a stuck-up prig like most of your family, huh?" a dark-haired woman remarked from Ash's side. She eyed Gabriel with an intense look.

"Guess you'll have to wait and decide that for yourself," Gabriel replied.

She smirked but her gaze held reservation. "Sure, hot stuff. I'm Pamela."

Ellen set a couple beers noisily on the bar and shoved one at Pamela. "Lay off, Pam, pretty sure he's off the market."

Gabriel turned an impressed look on the woman. "Oh really?"

She rolled her eyes. "Laid on the innuendo a little thick before."

"Smart cookie." Gabriel grinned.

John eyed him suspiciously. "What are you doing here? What do you want?"

Gabriel couldn't say he was surprised by John's reaction; he had heard Dean took after John, and the suspicious reaction definitely seemed familiar.

Gabriel leaned back on his hands and met John's stare straight on, just as he would Dean's. "Might seem strange to you, but I was curious about this place. The boys also speak highly of the proprietor." He glanced to the side to beam at Ellen. She gave him a skeptical glare before turning away to speak with a young blonde – that would be Jo, Gabriel determined.

"Doesn't explain why you're _still_ here," John muttered.

Holding back a sigh, Gabriel's focus returned to Papa Winchester. "Did it ever occur to you it might be nice to let your sons know you're all okay 'round here?"

Jo spoke up, "Castiel was the only one helping out."

"He's always going to get the credit, isn't he?" Gabriel grumbled half-heartedly. "You really don't get the details up here, do you?"

Ash pointed at Gabriel. "Got it in one. Well, not enough. I think I'm getting a system worked out, though. Angel radio just keeps broadcasting bullshit politics, though."

The archangel chuckled. "Good to know. I do love a good story, though I don't have time to give it justice right now. _But_ let's be clear, I'm in on the secret handshake for Team Free Will and I prefer hanging around Earth than up here with the red tape. So, is it assuming too much to tell the boys you're alright?"

Ash quickly gave a thumbs up; Jo gave him a thoughtful look; Ellen merely nodded; Pamela said, "I'm not sure about the whole getting me killed thing."

Gabriel's expression tightened as he glared at her. Pamela arched an eyebrow in response and said, "Hey, they're real charmers but death follows them around like it has nothing better to do." She gestured at the gathered people and commented, "Want to know what we have in common?"

"Pamela," Ellen practically growled. The Winchesters did not look pleased, either.

Gabriel disappeared from the counter and reappeared in front of the woman. "Some people get the shit end of the stick and even when they can do something about it, most of them don't even try. Sam and Dean aren't in that category. And if you think you're the one that's suffered, I can gladly let you experience a slice of real Hell." Gabriel lifted his hand and wiggled his fingers warningly.

"Look, feathers, I think I've earned the right to be a bit bitter—"

Before she could continue, the sound of rustling wings announced the arrival of another angel. Gabriel didn't need to look to see who it was, he was quite familiar with Castiel's presence. Behind him, though, he heard movement and then Jo nudged past him, wearing a smile.

"Castiel!" the blonde greeted warmly, actually walking up and giving the angel a quick hug. Some of Gabriel's tension faded away with the amusement of seeing Castiel stand stiff and awkward under the brief contact.

"It is... good to see you well," Castiel offered as Jo stepped back. His gaze flickered around the group.

Pamela had turned around to glare at the new arrival. Her frown deepened and she crossed her arms tightly over her chest.

Castiel's gaze eventually settled on his brother. "Gabriel, Dean has contacted me. They have found the location of the spirit and will take care of it before returning to the hotel."

Gabriel frowned, wondering why he hadn't been the first to hear about it. He had expected Sam to call him, although it might have been that Sam decided to make a call after the hunt was finished.

The tension returned as Pamela complained, "Since when did this become the angel hangout? Don't you guys have somewhere else you should hold your little conversations? Figured you'd use every opportunity you could to go full angel and ditch your vessels."

"Just say how you feel, hold nothing back," Gabriel said dryly.

Castiel stared at Pamela blankly for long moments. Then Gabriel saw the head tilt and recognition that crossed his brother's face. Castiel lowered his gaze as he addressed the brunette. "I apologize for the conditions you suffered for looking upon my true form. I attempted to warn you, but I did not fully comprehend at the time how to communicate with humans."

"You've got nothing to be sorry for, Cas," Gabriel defended irritably. He glared at Pamela. "Look lady, shit happens. People in this bar get it and so will you after you let go of this pity party."

"You're an _angel_ ," the woman argued, looking hurt and angry. "What do you know about the risks we took and what we faced when we chose to support the Winchesters?"

Gabriel had to struggle hard for control so as not to reach out and shake some sense into her. She was really pissing him off. "I know plenty. I didn't commit myself right away, but they more than earned by trust and my allegiance. I died. Unlike you, I ceased to exist."

"Yet you're flying around like a bird, alive and kicking now, aren't you?"

Castiel drew close to Gabriel's side and said, "It is difficult to explain."

"What does it matter?" Pamela said with a sigh. "There's no way for mere mortals like us to get tossed back into the game. Not unless we're part of some Grand Plan, right? I saw those boys when they came up here last."

Gabriel hated thinking back to that time when he had felt Sam's death cry and suddenly lost all connection to both brothers through his monitoring spells. Gabriel hadn't helped as much as he could have at the time and Castiel had been the one to make contact and guide the brothers along a path to get them to Joshua and the Garden. 

"Do you really begrudge the lives of your friends?" Castiel asked quietly, tone firm but undemanding.

Pamela's lips pursed and though she didn't look any less angry, she muttered, "No, I don't."

Gabriel held back the urge to sneer, frustrated that anyone who knew the brothers could act so angry about their continued existence; as if they had decided to forget the past and lived uncomplicated lives, ignoring the sacrifices that had been made.

"The threat of the Apocalypse is finished, right?" John asked, eyes narrowed contemplatively as he studied Castiel.

Castiel nodded solemnly. "Lucifer and Michael have been locked in the Cage due to the courage of your sons."

The gathered humans seemed to relax at that. Gabriel looked at them with a sense of weariness. These were the people who could have been the family and support the Winchesters needed. These were the people whose deaths weighed on Sam and Dean's minds, further fuel for their habit of taking on guilt for things that they couldn't have controlled.

He was deep enough in thought that it took him a few moments to process Mary's question, "How are they?" She and Ellen seemed the most cautious about accepting Castiel's simple message of good news at face value.

Castiel began to respond before Gabriel had fully caught up. "The trials they faced continue to weigh heavily on them both. However, I believer Sam suffers more from his memories of the Cage—"

"Cas," Gabriel snapped. Damn it, he should have been quicker on the uptake. "No tact," he muttered to himself as he saw the concerned and confused expressions around him.

Castiel blinked with his brow furrowed in confusion. "I merely wished to answer the question truthfully," he said.

Ellen sighed as she brought out a stack of shot glasses and a bottle of whiskey. "That's fine, Castiel. We appreciate the news." She arched an eyebrow at Gabriel. "I hope you weren't thinking about lying to us."

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Yeesh. Forgive me for wanting to respect some privacy. Here I thought you humans might actually appreciate that."

A gentle hand on his shoulder startled Gabriel and he turned to find Mary Winchester standing beside him with a gentle smile. "I appreciate your protectiveness," she said. It was easy for Gabriel to get caught up in her gaze and it felt natural to reach out to sense her soul. It was immediately clear to see the soul-mate bond tying her to John. Her soul shone more brightly than the average human. It felt similar to Sam's, which wasn't entirely unusual when it came to familial connections.

Eventually Gabriel realized he had yet to respond and he cleared his throat to give himself time to regroup. He considered Mary's comment and replied, "Someone needs to keep an eye on them and keep them from being complete idiots."

Mary grinned at that and squeezed Gabriel's arm before releasing him. "I'm sure they do."

Gabriel put on a smirk and slung an arm around Castiel's shoulders. "Speaking of which, it sounds like it's time we drop in and do just that."

"But I—"

Gabriel waved off Castiel's protest. "Oh c'mon, bro."

"Why don't you stay with us for a bit, Castiel?" Jo offered. Gabriel glanced at his brother and was surprised to see the younger angel nod after only a moment's hesitation. Gabriel let him go and stepped aside.

"I'm guessing you'll be back?" Ellen phrased it as a statement as she fixed Gabriel with a stern stare.

"You betcha," Gabriel promptly responded. They both ignored Pamela's unhappy scowl and John's narrow-eyed suspicious stare.

"You owe us a story," Jo directed at the archangel as she guided Castiel towards a barstool. "We'll hold you to it."

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry, kid." Gabriel leaned over Castiel's shoulder and said lowly, "Careful what you say, alright?" He bit back a laugh at the irritated glare he received in response.

"Okay, okay, you'll be fine!" With a wave, Gabriel took flight and left his brother to the inquisitive minds at the Roadhouse.

*

Sam looked up at the sound of displaced air and smiled when he met Gabriel's gaze. The archangel practically bounced over to Sam and plopped himself on the couch next to the human. He promptly hooked his chin over Sam's shoulder and peered at the open laptop. "Are you still doing work?" he complained as he stared at the local newspaper's website.

"Easier to do a few jobs in one area," Sam pointed out.

Gabriel huffed a little. Seconds later he turned his head to kiss the corner of Sam's mouth. "Hmm. How'd today go?"

"Ugh, we're seriously doing this? There's no way we're staying in the same room. Sam, go get another room so I don't have to deal with your boyfriend," Dean complained from the room's kitchenette.

With a frown, Sam countered, "You didn't take anything out of your bags. I'm already set up in here."

"Boys, boys, you forget – I've got all this mojo that I can just whisk us away." Gabriel held his hand up, poised to snap. "Deano, enjoy this dump. Good night!" he sing-songed as he snapped his fingers.

Sam expected to land on his ass or sprawl out ungracefully, but he ended up only dropping a couple inches from the air onto a comfortable, giant couch that had an ottoman large enough to accommodate his long legs and still have room to spare. His laptop was still in his lap, though an insistent archangel was closing the lid and waiting to put it away. Sam blinked in surprise and started to examine the rest of their surroundings. He let Gabriel have the laptop, trusting that his lover knew better than to do anything to mess with it.

They were in some sort of suite living area that connected to a bedroom seen through open French doors. A large entertainment center was built into the wall across from the couch; the room's colors were sedate nature tones with tans and deep browns and greens. The main piece of furniture was the couch that looked like it could comfortably sleep four adults.

Gabriel turned Sam from his investigation when the archangel pushed up onto his knees and swung himself around to sit astride Sam's thighs. The human lifted his head to meet Gabriel's seeking lips and accepted the thorough welcome kiss that he hadn't received in his brother's presence. With lips, tongue, and teeth they played for control. Gabriel threaded his fingers into Sam's hair and pressed his advantage by tugging Sam's head to a better angle. He kept right on kissing, pressing closer with his body and nipping Sam's lip lightly when the human moved his hands slowly down Gabriel's back.

Sam slipped his fingers past the waistband of Gabriel's pants and hummed his pleasure when his fingertips pressed against bare skin. The angel shifted his weight, knees spreading farther to let him slide down so that his swiftly growing erection aligned with Sam's.

Sam turned his head away to gasp for breath. Sam let out a helpless, needy whimper as Gabriel rubbed against him tantalizingly slow and began trailing kisses down Sam's jaw and neck.

"What do you want?" Gabriel murmured near Sam's ear. The fingers of one hand clenched in Sam's hair, his other hand rubbed along the human's side. "Let me do this for you. Tell me." Sam clutched at Gabriel's back and whined desperately as he kept shifting, trying to find the best position he could to gain friction for his rapidly increasing arousal. Gabriel licked a stripe across Sam's throat and began kissing up the other side. 

Sam managed to gasp, "Clothes—"

"No problemo," Gabriel mumbled against Sam's jaw. He freed one hand to snap and instantly the barriers between skin faded away. "What do you want?" Gabriel repeated the question against Sam's lips.

There could be no answer for some time as they fumbled with lips and teeth and tongue. Sam's hands gripped tightly at Gabriel's hips, pulling the angel flush against him.

"Hmm, Gabriel... bed..." Sam suggested, though he grabbed the angel's wrist before he could snap. "Hold on." 

Gabriel chuckled as he complied with the request; he hugged his knees tight and curved his arms over Sam's shoulders. The human got up from the couch and slid his hands beneath the angel's thighs.

With a little mojo, Gabriel kept them from stumbling too haphazardly across the floor into the bedroom. He returned his fingers to Sam's hair and started tugging on the strands as he slid his tongue between the seam of Sam's lips. Sam responded with a muffled moan. He stood next to the bed for a while, letting himself enjoy his lover's closeness, the weight in his arms, and the mouth covering his.

Eventually his desire for more urged him to turn and drop Gabriel onto the bed. Sam followed, bracing himself over the angel as he grinned down at Gabriel's familiar smirk. The archangel's dilated pupils were limned in golden irises, brighter than usual.

"Come on down here, you giant," Gabriel teased as he linked his fingers behind Sam's neck and tugged. Sam complied easily and got lost again in the feeling of Gabriel's lips and tongue exploring his mouth.

They maneuvered their way more fully onto the bed as they kissed. Sam lowered his body against Gabriel's and rocked his hips. Gabriel broke the kiss and moved his mouth to Sam's ear, nipping at the lobe as his hands roamed over Sam's back; every stroke bringing the angel's fingers lower. Sam released a high needy whine as he shimmied into a better position to get Gabriel's hands lower.

The angel responded to the silent urging and repositioned his hands low on Sam's hips. His hands firmly rubbed Sam's ass and pressed their lower bodies close together. 

Over Sam's gasp, Gabriel murmured again, "What do you want?"

In reply, the human reached back to grab one of Gabriel's wrists and moved the angel's hand over so that Gabriel's fingertips trailed over the crease of Sam's ass. Quick to follow direction, Gabriel let two of his fingers rub down the crease and over Sam's opening.

"In me," Sam whispered harshly as he rutted against Gabriel's hip.

Gabriel gave an eager grin as he guided one of Sam's legs into a bent position. The angel conjured a tube of lube and readily slicked his fingers as Sam whispered needy, dirty pleas against the archangel's cheek. Gabriel tilted his head and caught Sam's mouth with his own as he pushed one slick finger into Sam.

They took their time, even as Sam occasionally whimpered to go faster. Gabriel's fingers pressed in deep as he scissored them in a pattern to fully loosen his lover and offer the best preparation. Sam moaned wantonly as Gabriel finished stretching and massaged his fingertips over and over the human's prostate.

"Gabriel, _please_ ," Sam groaned, arching into the touch and then leaning forward to rub himself against the angel's hip.

The archangel chuckled and removed his fingers. With Sam's help, they rearranged a little so that the human knelt over the angel and Gabriel leaned up on one elbow. The archangel's free hand curved around Sam's hip as the human grasped Gabriel's cock and guided himself down. 

Sam set the pace, lowering himself bit by bit, pulling up before sinking down further. For a moment after Sam had lowered himself completely, he stilled and looked down at the angel, lips parted as he panted. Gabriel smiled up at him and removed his hand from Sam's hip to reach up and brush Sam's cheek.

"You just gonna sit there?" Gabriel teased, shifting just a little, but enough that Sam let out a surprised whimper.

"You're so impatient," Sam managed to reply. He could feel sweat trickling down the back of his neck and making his hair stick to his skin. 

Gabriel pushed himself up a little more and used his tongue to lick a swath of skin covering the human's pectoral muscles. Sam shivered in response and then started to raise himself again. 

They quickly established a rhythm, sometimes a little shuddery as Gabriel continued his tongue's ministrations of Sam's chest. In retaliation, Sam occasionally tightened around Gabriel's cock.

When Sam's pace began to pick up, Gabriel bent his knees to brace his feet on the mattress. His arms wrapped around Sam's back and he curved his hands over the human's shoulders from behind. Sam adjusted to brace himself over Gabriel on his hands and knees. Their bodies met at a faster pace.

"Gabriel," Sam gasped, mouth sloppily covering the archangel's. Gabriel's fingers pressed tighter into Sam's shoulders as the push-pull grew more determined.

Gabriel swallowed Sam's cry of release and plundered the human's mouth as he followed his lover in climax.

Sam lay sprawled over Gabriel for a while, a heavy, welcome weight as they caught their breath and came down from the post orgasmic high. Eventually Sam moved so that Gabriel could pull out; the archangel utilized a convenient snap of magic to clean off sweat-soaked, cum-smeared skin.

Freshly cleaned, Sam lowered himself again. Sam laid on his stomach with his head resting on Gabriel's shoulder. He dropped his hand to rest on the archangel's hip and slowly let his fingers drift back and forth over smooth skin. As much as Sam dreaded the possible nightmares that could come with sleep, he couldn't deny he was tired. At least he had his lover at his side. Gabriel's fingers played with Sam's hair, twirling strands around his fingers.

"I'm not going anywhere, kiddo," Gabriel murmured. "Promise to wake you if I sense anything funky."

Sam shifted a little and frowned. "Don't go in again, okay?" Gabriel's fingers stilled but Sam would not let this go. "Only in emergencies, remember? I... you shouldn't see that."

Gabriel's arm tightened around Sam's back. "Sam, I'm here. For you. I don't need you to think you're protecting me from something. But," he sighed, "if you don't want to go into details yet, I won't press it, okay?"

Sam closed his eyes in relief. He nodded his head and relaxed against his lover. "Thanks," he murmured.

He could feel Gabriel's fingers moving again in his hair as he drifted towards unconsciousness.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Oh lordy. Awkward family-and-friends scene. Awkward sex scene. This chapter was full of such awkwardness. x_x )


	6. I'd save him all the suffering if I could

_Sam's feet were blistered and burned, but he knew he couldn't stop walking for longer than a few minutes. He had to keep going, keep moving if he was going to make it in time to—_

_The reason why escaped him whenever he tried to think of it. It flitted around the edges of his thoughts but he couldn't seem to catch it. He didn't know if the reason for its elusiveness was something paranormal or due to the more mundane reason of exhaustion. Whatever the cause, there wasn't anything he could do about it. He just knew he had to press on._

_The environment looked something like a desert, vast and bare with shifting ground underfoot that burned even with the lack of an overhead sun. The sky was cloudy and the color of twilight, but he wasn't certain of the exact time of day. If there was a time of day. He frowned at the thought, wondering where he was, when he was._

_His feet ached._

*

_"It's pointless, you know."_

_Sam looked up in surprise at the voice. Jess stood a few feet away on the sandy bank of the creek. Sam knelt at the river's edge with his hands scrubbing furiously beneath the water's surface._

_"Jess? What are you...?" Sam pulled his hands free and shifted, preparing to stand up. Jess' gaze drifted down and he realized she was staring at his red hands. Blood-drenched. Sam quickly pulled back and hid his hands behind his back. Hesitantly he glanced up at his former girlfriend._

_She looked at him pityingly and shook her head. "Don't try to hide what you've done, it's pointless. I thought you were smarter than that. Then again, you were always so stubborn."_

_"Jess, you're dead," Sam said quietly, needing to hear it aloud and confirm his dream state._

_She shrugged and moved over to a tree trunk laying partway in the river. She sat and dangled bare feet in the water. "Whose blood did you think you were trying to clean off?" she returned._

_Sam flinched and hunched his shoulders. "I couldn't have known," he whispered, already knowing the protest was futile._

_"It was too much trouble to tell me you've always attracted things that go bump in the night? I was a big girl, Sam, I didn't know I was still supposed to be afraid of monsters under the bed." Jess propped her elbows on her knees and leaned forward, chin in hand. "Do you ever think about how everything could have been prevented if you'd never been born at all?"_

_Sam plunged his hands back into the river and resumed his scrubbing with renewed vigor. He scooped up small pebbles and stone and silt to scrub roughly over his deeply stained skin. Little trails of red drifted through the water and quickly carried away in the current, but he knew the stains weren't clearing; it was his own blood rising from new little nicks and cuts._

_Jess continued musing aloud, "Someone should have told your dad about you. There were clues, weren't there? Strangers with black eyes paying too much attention to you; supernatural creatures especially drawn to you; psychics avoiding you or getting hurt as soon as they got too close. John Winchester suspected but couldn't bring himself to examine those clues too closely. He was a fool, anyone else would have put the pieces together. He could have stopped it all, all it would take... well. So many options, right?" She smiled and Sam was captured by the beauty of it that didn't fit with her words. He knew this couldn't_ really _be Jess, but he couldn't avoid reacting to her as if she was real._

_It hurt, knowing she was right. He should have been killed long ago by his father or his brother, who had seen the world of the supernatural in black and white, good and evil, normal and abnormal. It should have been taken care of before the shades of gray developed. Maybe then there wouldn't have been—_

_"I'm sorry," Sam said and meant it. "I wish you had never gotten involved, I should've been more careful." He stared down at his hands, still stained with red and now cut by the stone he'd tried to use in scrubbing. "But I can't change it, Jess. I can't go back and fix things. I'm trying... maybe I can still make a difference, make things better."_

_The laugh he got in response was not at all the Jessica he had known and loved. The laugh was harsh and cruel and cold as ice. Sam flinched at the unforgiving sound and had to fight the instinct to flee. Her laugh was dangerous._

_"What possible difference could you make to improve things? You doom everything you touch, sweetie. Don't you understand that by now?" Jess swung her feet in the water, kicking up little ripples that ringed out towards Sam. "Who do you have left? Your brother? Bobby? The angels? They all died because of you or by your hand. It was a miracle they even returned. How long do you think it will last? Fate catches up, you know that."_

_Sam drew further into himself as Jess continued the onslaught of words. Each sentence sliced into his skin and dug deeper. He stared at his hands, determinedly avoiding looking at his former girlfriend's face, not wanting to see how much worse her expression might be compared to her voice. Were his hands darker than before? He knew the blood hadn't been up to his elbows earlier, though now he was streaked with blood there. His gaze caught on the smeared edges of bloodstains crossing the tattoo at his inner elbow. Gabriel's sigil looked faded and dull under the coat of blood._

_"He shouldn't have remembered you," Jess said. "He would live longer." Sam's heart stuttered painfully in his chest at the words. Against his better judgment, he looked up. Jess' expression was hard and unforgiving, without even a hint of pity. "What makes you think you deserve to touch him? I'm surprised your tainted soul didn't burn from his touch."_

_"Jess, please..." Sam begged quietly. "I know. I don't understand either. But he'll leave, he knows how to—"_

_"Protect himself?" she asked with a sharp laugh. "He shows a disturbing lack of self-preservation since meeting you," she continued scornfully._

_Sam hung his head in shame. He unclenched his fingers and stared at his hands. It would be pointless to keep scrubbing, the river had turned red and thick with blood._

*

Sam lay tied on his stomach over scorching hot sand. He didn't know how he had returned to the desert after the river of blood, but apparently he had been laying there for a long time. He could feel dehydrated skin cracking and the blisters on his feet leaking from open sores. It hurt his dry throat and lungs to breathe the scorching air. He closed his eyes; there was nothing to see in the endless sandy landscape, and the grains of sand that managed to get into his eyes hurt, making him tear up. He had to ignore the granules he breathed in with his cheek pressed firmly against the ground.

_He waited for what felt like an eternity, nothing happening beyond his body rebelling against the unbearable elements._

_Finally he was joined by someone else. "You make quite the picture laid out here like some sort of sacrifice."_

_Sam's eyes opened abruptly and he blinked away the grit so that he could see. He tried to turn his head a little, ignoring the twinges of protesting muscles and skin that already felt too tight. Lucifer towered above him, standing little more than a foot away and just barely in Sam's range of sight._

_"Quite the predicament. Your mind is full of its own tortures, isn't it. You make it so_ easy _, Sam." Lucifer smiled as he clasped his hands and looked down at the human. "We didn't try this one, you know, though it works quite well to break you down, doesn't it?"_

_Sam's voice came out as a croak past his dry, cracking lips, "Leave me alone."_

_Lucifer chuckled and crouched down near Sam's head. "Oh Sam, do you still think you're dreaming? I should feel honored that you apparently dream about me so often. Nothing could make you forget me for long." The Morningstar tilted his head up and closed his eyes as if focusing on a distant sound. "It was a decent attempt on the part of that upstart pagan goddess, but despite her ability to take you away, her little wall couldn't hold."_

_Sam stared fearfully up at the Devil, a knot of dread growing in his gut. Why would his dream be talking about this? Why wasn't he stuck in a flashback replay or at least listening to a more familiar taunt from Lucifer?_

_"You're not free, Samuel," Lucifer said, opening his eyes and returning his piercing stare to Sam._

_"You're not here," Sam said, but even as he did, he could feel doubt and fear rising quickly. "You're in the Cage."_

_The Morningstar's lips widened in a sedate smile. His wings shimmered into existence as he leaned forward and stroked his fingers across Sam's cheek. "I wonder how long you can keep that delusion. No, Sam, this isn't over until_ I _say it is." He pressed the fingertips of his pointer and middle finger firmly against the human's forehead, and with a burst of light, Sam's world exploded with all-encompassing_ pain.

*

Sam awoke screaming. His body burned and he didn't know if he wanted to curl up or stretch out as far as he could. He didn't know what could possibly make the pain more bearable. He could hear the echoes of Lucifer's words and dark promises.

When he realized he was awake and the pain was slowly – far too slowly – fading away, Sam quieted. He couldn't fight the tremors and the occasional whimper of fear.

Gabriel stroked Sam's hair. With a full body shudder, Sam turned to bury his face against the angel's neck.

"It's okay, Sam, you're safe here," Gabriel inserted amongst his litany of reassuring murmurs. The archangel's touch was firm, real, and comforting.

Sam's breathing slowly smoothed out from the stuttering gasps for air that he had made when he first awoke. His fingers alternately clutched and let go of the angel's body pressed against his own. Gabriel felt hot, warmer than normal, and for a minute Sam tensed with fear as the dream Jess' words returned to him: _I'm surprised your tainted soul didn't burn from his touch._

"I've got you," Gabriel said, cheek rubbing slowly over Sam's head. "Sorry I couldn't block it."

Sam shuddered at the mumbled apology. Gabriel should have been able to stave off the nightmares. For a short time after they reunited, it seemed that he had. But by now there had been too many nights of terror-soaked dreams and flashback slipping through the cracks of Kali's barrier.

 _Is Lucifer finding a way to break through from the Cage? How?_ Sam could feel his heart still pounding an irregularly swift pattern in his chest. He couldn't get it to settle while he felt like he was being watched by Lucifer.

"I know you Winchesters and the talking thing don't get on well, but I don't know how to help when I don't know what we're up against here." Gabriel shifted down the mattress so that he and Sam were face to face. "Let's start off easy. Flashback or nightmare?"

Sam closed his eyes against the angel's intense stare, even though it had been softened by worry and affection. Eventually he mumbled, "Nightmare."

"Okay. Where were you?" Sam shook his head. "Don't know? Fine, how about who was there?"

Sam's fingers clenched against Gabriel's skin as he flinched. Jess rarely haunted his dreams in person lately, which made it all the more difficult to handle her appearance. Nor had he talked with Gabriel much about the woman he had planned to marry. That part of his life, while important, was a closed chapter, an irregularity of a few precious years that rarely seemed appropriate to talk about.

"Sammy?" Gabriel probed gently.

"Lucifer..." Sam admitted; it was easier to say the Devil's name. Hesitantly he added, "Jess."

In response, Gabriel tucked Sam's hair behind the human's ear and brushed his fingers along Sam's neck. "I'm going to find a way to stop the nightmares. You won't have to keep dealing with this."

"What if—" Sam started but broke himself off as his brain caught up with his mouth. _What if they're not just dreams?_ he wondered. _If it is Lucifer, how can I ask you to fight him for me?_

"Sammy, 'what if' what?" Gabriel trailed his hand down Sam's arm to the tattoo. Instinctively Sam relaxed, familiar by now with the angel's habit of infusing a little grace when he touched his sigil. The warmth that washed through Sam further eased the tension his nightmares had caused.

He shook his head and curled in close to the archangel. He nuzzled against Gabriel's neck and placed a gentle kiss of thanks against the sensitive skin.

"How about a movie?" Gabriel suggested, snapping his fingers and materializing a television at the foot of the bed. "I'm thinking... Ghostbusters."

Sam snorted in amusement as he heard the movie start. He shifted into a better position to watch, wrapping his arms around Gabriel's waist and laying his head against the archangel's chest.

*

"So what's the big bad, boys?" Gabriel asked as soon as he had popped Sam and himself back to Dean's motel room.

Dean scowled mildly at their sudden appearance. "About time. We're ready to hit the road. Signs of bloodsuckers, so let's go before someone goes Twilight crazy."

"A worthy cause," Gabriel agreed with an overly solemn nod. Sam tried to stifle a snicker and received a wink. "Get some heads rolling... and maybe stake some ugly mugs in front of the doors of the people responsible for the latest waves of 'romantic' vampires. I'm sick of it."

"That—" Dean seemed to think that over. "We'll think about it."

Sam shook his head. "Come on, you can't be serious."

Gabriel's eyebrows arched haughtily. "Au contraire, very serious. Except for Joss Whedon. Leave him be, the man's done other things that make up for the vampire romances."

Judging by the thoughtful smirk on Dean's face, Sam thought Gabriel might have won some points with his brother.

*

Sam relaxed into the giant couch as he flipped through channels. Gabriel settled in at his side with a bowl of Chex Mix. Eventually Sam settled on a National Geographic special about oceans. The volume was set low since Sam was more interested in the images than the narration.

Gabriel curled up against Sam's side and nestled the bowl of snacks between them. Sam was thankful that his lover hadn't pressed the issue of sleep and seemed happy to relax on the couch.

After almost a half hour of sitting silently together, Sam asked quietly, "How are things going? In Heaven. You... haven't said."

Gabriel leaned back just enough that Sam could see his content smile. The angel resettled against Sam's shoulder as he explained. "It's not a huge barrel of laughs, but I don't sense any hint of outright war. Some of it is about the kids getting to spread their wings – pun intended." He scooped up another handful of mix before continuing. "It'll literally be ages before things actually calm down. The real worry had been Raphael, but we're good."

"Really?" Sam didn't restrain his surprise as he thought about what little he knew of the fourth archangel through Dean and Castiel.

"Really, really," Gabriel assured. He pressed a kiss to Sam's neck and the human could feel his smile. "Kinda better than I could've hoped." Sam had become attuned to reading Gabriel and now he could pick up on relief and a hum of joy.

Apparently Gabriel's smile was contagious. Sam felt his lips curve up in response to his lover's content. "I'm glad you got a chance to talk," he said after kissing the top of Gabriel's head.

The archangel batted at him playfully. "You call that a kiss? Try that again," he insisted, moving so that he was sitting face to face with Sam. With a smug look, Gabriel caught the fabric of Sam's shirt between his fingers and tugged. Sam followed willingly and tilted his head to avoid bumping noses. A pleased sound escaped Gabriel as he enthusiastically returned the kiss.

The kiss lingered into the casual brush of lips as Sam caught his breath. Gabriel had managed to crawl halfway onto Sam's lap and had spilled the Chex Mix. Sam felt and heard the crunch of snacks as he shifted into a more comfortable position in response to Gabriel's move. He made a face at the discomfort of crunched food, but a moment later Gabriel snapped and the mess was gone.

"You could make a fortune cleaning houses," Sam remarked. He stifled a laugh at the image that popped to mind of Gabriel dressed in the standard, conservative wear of hotel housekeepers.

"Shut up," Gabriel grumbled. He rested his head on Sam's shoulder and settled in. "Watch your damn show and stop picturing me as a sexy French maid." Sam could hear his lover's smirk in that comment. He groaned because of course that had sparked a plethora of images in his mind.

"I hate you," he complained, closing his eyes and tilting his head back against the couch.

Gabriel chuckled and trailed his fingers along Sam's ribs. "No you don't," he teased, "you lov~e me."

To that Sam had no counter to offer.

*

Gabriel tugged the lightweight blanket into place over his lover's shoulder. Sam had finally nodded off a few minutes ago, half sprawled on Gabriel's lap. Gabriel's fingers carded gently through his lover's hair as he watched for signs of nightmares.

If he could, Gabriel would banish every bad dream and replace them with the silliest, most innocuous images he could conceive. However, the "all-powerful" archangel label was something of a misnomer, particularly when it came to matters of the human mind. There was very little direct interaction he could initiate without risking harm. He had relied so long on his borrowed demigod powers to _create_ and _alter_ things in the external world because human minds were such complex and delicate things.

Despite what the humans might think, angels weren't mind-readers, not really. Sure they could hear prayers if they listened for their name – but with the potential billions of people who might call a name, Gabriel had long ago learned how to block the calls at will. He still picked up on things when dealing directly with humans, if he focused his attention, extended some of his power, and if the human was open – particularly if the human was projecting. Gabriel had learned of the depth of Sam's feelings for him in such a way, and he'd picked up plenty from Dean during months of close quarters; but such impressions weren't solid or detailed except on rare occasion.

Sam's mind had suffered from hosting Lucifer and the experiences of the Cage; yet instead of making it easier for Gabriel to get a read on Sam or enter his mind, some sort of barrier made Sam harder to read than other humans. Castiel had admitted to the strange silence he felt in the human's presence.

Dreaming humans were more susceptible to mental communication. When Sam had first returned from the Cage and while Gabriel was still missing memories, the archangel had responded to Sam's unconscious calls by investigating the human's dreams, disregarding privacy. Since regaining his memories and admitting to visiting Sam's dreams, Gabriel had promised to keep dream contact to a minimum. Sam's aversion to having anyone poking around inside his head was perfectly reasonable; although Gabriel was beginning to understand that Sam wanted to keep him out for other reasons as well.

"You don't have to keep me in the dark, Sammy," Gabriel said quietly. He smoothed his thumb over Sam's eyebrow. Sam wanted to protect the archangel, had wanted to limit the knowledge of just how far his brothers had Fallen. Swallowing down a surge of emotion, Gabriel shook his head and went back to stroking Sam's hair.

There had been several times in the past couple weeks where Gabriel tried to wake Sam and investigate what was going on during the nightmares. Except for the night a couple days past when he'd forced the issue, he hadn't succeeded in interfering. His eventual success in getting through to Sam in the midst of a vivid flashback he expected was in part due to the drugged nature of Sam's sleep and the human mind's shock with the remembered events.

Whatever had been holding the graphic memories at bay – a barrier put in place by Kali? – was breaking down. Gabriel didn't know how to fix it, he dreaded making the situation worse.

So he sat with Sam's head in his lap as the human slept and watched for nightmares that he knew would unfortunately, eventually come.

***


	7. You've started to believe the things they say of you

Sam sat in the front seat of the Impala with his head leaning against the window and an open newspaper on his lap. He let the sound of Dean singing under his breath ease him towards a light doze. He'd skimmed the headlines without hitting on anything in particular of interest. . The local area newspapers weren't yielding another hunt, though supposedly there was a lot of activity in the supernatural world. He was thinking they might want to check for something on a larger scale or ask Bobby for a connection with other hunters

"You're wasting your time." Sam startled at the coolly delivered reprimand. He stared at Dean in surprise before it sunk in that it hadn't been his brother's voice. "Oh Sammy, Sam."

It took Sam a moment longer to reluctantly look away from his seemingly oblivious brother and turn to the back seat. Lucifer wiggled his fingers in greeting. The Devil wore a satisfied smirk. "So. How's it going?"

"You can't—"

Dean cut off his protest, "Can't what?" Sam's gaze snapped back to his brother.

"I..." Sam blinked as he realized he could no longer see Lucifer in the backseat. "Guess I was just thinking aloud." He licked his lips nervously as hauntingly familiar laughter echoed in his mind.

"Yuh-huh. So 'you can't' what?" Dean asked with a slight frown.

Sam stared down at the newspaper for inspiration. "Can't get anything from this," he said.

Dean cast him a skeptical gaze. "Guess it's time to give Bobby a call and see if there's any other weirdoes poking their heads out."

"Yeah," Sam agreed with a brief smile. "Just what I was thinking."

*

Every night Sam put off sleeping for as long as possible. Gabriel let him and helped Sam relax. They talked around the problem, the angel addressing the more immediate concerns like calming Sam after the flashbacks-cum-nightmares. It was usually in the nonverbal that Sam picked up on his lover's concern.

Sam knew the combination of getting back into hunting and his night terrors were wearing him down towards a breaking point. If he didn't admit it soon, someone else would call him on it.

~

When Gabriel next snapped them to meet up with Dean, Sam asked the angel to stay. After a fortifying breath, Sam announced, "I shouldn't be on the road." Dean looked grim but unsurprised. Gabriel's hand rested gently on Sam's back. "I could... well, I mean, Gabriel could get me to Bobby's. I know there's still hunts, and I hate not backing you up—"

"Shut it," Dean interrupted with a roll of his eyes. He fixed Sam with a brotherly look of exasperation. "We'll give Bobby a call and tell him to expect us for dinner, got it?"

"Yeah," Sam agreed with a small smile. He should have expected Dean's insistence on staying together.

"You going to be okay?" Gabriel asked quietly when Sam glanced down.

With a nod, Sam said, "I'll be fine. It's a pretty straight shot back to Bobby's." He curved a hand behind Gabriel's neck as he leaned down to press a kiss to the angel's forehead. "I'll see you later. For now I think you need to play diplomat."

Gabriel groaned against Sam's shoulder. "Oh come on, I'd rather be stuck in that damn car for hours on end with Dean's ridiculously predictable music." Sam grinned at Gabriel's melodrama and Dean's offended "hey!"

"No getting out of it," Sam lightly scolded.

Gabriel made a sound of disgust as he leaned back. "Cas and Raphael owe me big for dealing with all this posturing. And you, mister, better make it worth my while." He winked and brushed his fingers over the spot where Sam's sleeve covered the archangel's sigil. "Call me when you arrive, got it?"

"Promise," Sam agreed.

*

Bobby welcomed them back with his usual gruffness. Crowley put up a minor fuss, and the obvious lack of true irritation drove home the fact that Sam was at the point where he couldn't hide how poorly he was doing.

Since they were at Bobby's, Gabriel spent nights there with Sam instead of whisking him away. He snapped up a TV in their room, and they watched hours of _Mystery Science Theater 3000_ and played card games until Sam couldn't keep his eyes open. 

The nightmares mixed with flashbacks still came.

*

A few evenings after returning to Bobby's, Sam found himself at loose ends when he finished the translation Bobby had left out for him to work on. Gabriel was busy with some developing schism that had Raphael worried enough to call directly on the other archangel for support. It still took Sam a while to convince Gabriel that sorting out the situation in Heaven was more important than playing personal caretaker to a Winchester. He probably still hadn't been convinced by the conversation's end, but the urgency and the fact that Raphael had made the request pushed the issue, so Gabriel went.

Sam doubted he would have slept even with Gabriel's presence. His lover's absence just meant that the others would be more aware of just how little he slept. Sam wandered around the house late that night. A hunter's schedule always meant odd hours, but typically if they had the chance to sleep, they'd take it; Sam was pretty sure Dean was taking advantage of the opportunity, and Bobby had gone behind closed doors with Crowley a while ago.

As he paced around the ground floor looking for distraction, Sam struggled to muffle the whispering at the edges of his mind. He'd seen Lucifer more than that one time in the Impala and the Devil's voice had become a frequent companion.

Sam slowed his steps in the kitchen when he realized there were dishes piled up on the counter. Gratefully he grabbed onto the chore to occupy himself. He let the water run a while before plugging the sink and submersing the first set of dishes.

 _Scared of thunder, hearing voices, trapped in replays of my worst memories if I fall asleep,_ Sam ticked off the issues in his mind. _Even taking yourself off the road, how long do you think you'll last?_ he chided himself.

"What're you doing in here?" Bobby's voice startled Sam from his dark thoughts.

Sam glanced over his shoulder before focusing again on the dishes. "I don't want to sleep," he said shortly. He focused on the near-scalding water and soap suds surrounding his hands as he diligently scrubbed at the dishes. "Can't sleep. It's like Lucifer can get into my head and I—What if—?" He cut himself off with a sharp shake of his head; he hadn't meant to say that aloud. He pulled his hands out of the soapy water before he broke or chipped any of the dishes; though Bobby's annoyance would have been a welcome relief from the strained atmosphere of everyone seeming to act extra careful around Sam.

"Sam..."

The younger hunter shook his head as he braced his hands on the sink's edge. "No, just listen. The Devil was already in my head. What if... even with the Cage between us, he can still get in? What if he figures out a way to take over? I... God, I _hear_ him!" His head pounded, the rush of blood so loud in his ears that finally the echoes of amused laughter were blocked.

Sam turned around, gesturing emphatically. Soap bubbles flicked into the air from his fingertips. "What if I fall asleep and wake up to find out they're not dreams?"

"Sam!"

"What?" he shouted, his eyes closing as he brought his hands to his head. God, it _ached_ so much.

"What makes you think you need to be asleep?"

Sam heard a sickening and familiar crack of bone and tearing muscle. Sam's eyes flew open. His heart seemed to stutter momentarily, and when he opened his mouth to yell for help, only a near soundless gasp escaped. He watched in horror as Bobby fell to the ground in a heap, neck unnaturally askew and eyes sightless. Lucifer smiled serenely in the older hunter's place.

"You can't—! How did you—?" Sam's voice cut off in a strangled noise. He felt the countertop's edge press against his waist and knew he had nowhere to retreat. Instinctively his hands fumbled for a weapon not at his hip – he rarely armed himself when staying at Bobby's, there hadn't been a need. _Knives, something— There has to be something..._ He plunged his hand back into the sink and felt around past ceramic dishes and the silverware. Something sharp sliced his palm. _Yes!_ Sam pulled the knife free and held it up defensively.

Lucifer's eyes crinkled up in silent laughter. His smile broadened into a smirk. "You can't truly imagine that will work."

Sam didn't back down despite the terror coursing through his veins. "I'm not alone. They'll be here in a minute—"

"And how will they know, Sammy?" Lucifer waved a dismissive hand at the human. "You can barely speak as it is."

Sam licked his lips and swallowed, he knew what Lucifer said was true. Sam could barely get his voice to carry across the room now that he was faced with the Devil. _Can't let him surprise anyone else. Can't let anyone else die!_ Sam though desperately, his gaze dropping to the body at Lucifer's feet.

"But maybe _you_ don't have to scream," Lucifer said thoughtfully. He turned to face the open doorway and Sam realized he could hear his brother's familiar footsteps.

_No!_

"Dean!" Sam tried to warn, but his voice still sounded so _small_.

"Yo, Cinderella, what d'you say we— Uh, Sammy?" Dean paused in the doorway, eyes widening when he caught sight of Sam. His gaze seemed to dart around the room but something was wrong; he didn't react to the body on the floor or the Devil standing nearby. "Sammy, how about you put the knife down?"

Sam looked at Lucifer, who was still smiling and had crossed his arms. The Devil looked amused by Dean's confusion.

"Dean, don't you...?" Sam trailed off uncertainly. He glanced at his brother's baffled expression but quickly returned to keeping an eye on Lucifer. Sam hissed, "He's right _there_!"

"Sam. Put the knife down," Dean said.

Instead, Sam clenched his fist tighter around the knife's handle. He shifted his weight to a better fighting stance. However, Lucifer did nothing beyond standing there, staring back at Sam as the human glared at him.

"Damn it," Dean muttered.

Sharp, stabbing pain suddenly assaulted Sam's head and he wavered on his feet, sight going blurry.

"Sammy, c'mon, dude. Talk to me."

Through his blurry vision, Sam saw Lucifer's smile turn dangerous and the Devil unfolded his arms just as Dean started forward. "Don't!" Sam snapped, forcing himself forward to swing the knife at the Devil and shove Dean with his free hand.

"Leave him alone!" Sam yelled.

"Jesus Christ, Sam! What the fuck is wrong with you?" Dean tugged at Sam's shoulder. It felt like the room was spinning but he refused to turn away from Lucifer. "Someone get in here! Really could use some help!"

Sam knew he had to protect his brother, had to keep Lucifer from everyone else. _Oh God, Bobby!_ He could see the crumpled form of the older hunter at the edge of his vision.

"You have no idea, do you?" Lucifer asked, tone mocking. Sam squinted as another spike of pain shot through his skull. It was so hard to think, his head _hurt_ so much worse, Dean refused to just stay still, and—

"Watch where you're pointing that thing!"

Sam flinched away from the shout and took a moment to steady himself. He lifted the knife again, carefully keeping it pointed at Lucifer and away from his brother this time.

"I'll get to all of them." Lucifer leaned closer, his gaze clearly daring the human to lash out, but Sam stayed frozen, immobile. "We'll take them apart, piece by piece. You remember how that goes, don't you?"

"I won't let you," Sam hissed.

"Sam, look at me. Come on, man, let go of the knife." Dean's voice was tight with emotion and from the corner of his eye, Sam could see his brother cautiously reaching out.

"No," Sam responded, voice hoarse. He watched Lucifer's gaze sweep over the two hunters and then turn skyward.

With a growing smirk, Lucifer said, "You know, I think my brother needs a lesson in how to _stay dead_. This time, I think I'll draw it out."

"No!" Sam yelled, the new rush of fear overwhelming his other pains.

Suddenly he had a pair of hands gripping each arm and someone was wrestling the knife out of his hands. He struggled against the hold and turned his head just enough to stare at his brother. "Dean, why...?"

His brother's face was pale with a strained expression. "Sammy, you need to focus. What are you seeing?" Dean's gaze darted around for a few moments before refocusing on his brother's face. Sam could taste a bitter copper taste at the back of his throat and realized his nose was bleeding sluggishly.

"Why don't you...?" For the first time, Sam truly turned his attention away from the Devil and looked around the kitchen. Dean stood with his hands wrapped tightly around one of Sam's arms. Crowley stood a few feet away, kitchen knife in hand as he glanced around suspiciously with narrowed eyes. Just behind Lucifer, Bobby's body laid in a heap; but Bobby also stood opposite Dean, holding tight to Sam's other arm.

Pained and dizzy, Sam whispered with sudden uncertainty, "He's _here_. Lucifer's— You don't...?"

Dean moved one of his hands to the back of Sam's neck. He didn't speak until Sam made eye contact. "Sam, Lucifer isn't here. You're at Bobby's, standing in the kitchen and freaking me the fuck out."

Sam's gaze darted to the side as Lucifer moved into his field of vision. The Devil's lips parted in a satisfied smile as he sidled up beside Dean. "What do you think, Sam? Maybe they just aren't prepared to see what's in front of them."

 _Go away, stay out of my head!_ Sam glared.

"Oh, Sam, I could never leave you alone." Lucifer's expression took on a predatory look as he leaned closer, lips a hairsbreadth from Sam's cheek. "I'll take you and have you rip them apart. Piece by piece."

Painful pressure squeezed around Sam's head, making him feel like there would be no relief unless he burst. Somewhere far away he heard Bobby's shout of surprise and Crowley cursing. Sam's sense of direction was completely off, but he was pretty sure the hands on his arms were trying to hold him up.

" _Damn it!_ Gabriel! Get your punk ass back here!"

Sam managed to keep his eyes from rolling for a moment, just long enough to squint up at his brother, who was somehow looking down at him. It took a while longer to realize he was practically lying on the floor, deadweight in his brother's arms. It was vaguely familiar, Sam thought as his eyes rolled back. He felt like he was sinking, and just before he started to drown, he heard the telltale sound of an angel's arrival.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> March 5, 2013 - I am cringing so much at the awful typoes that have been sitting around in this fic uncorrected. How did anyone let me post this? Hope to finish up those basic edits by tomorrow.


	8. My mind is darkness now

Gabriel tried to process the scene in which he'd arrived. Bobby and Dean knelt on the floor with Sam between them. The tall hunter's head lolled against his brother's shoulder.

"What the hell happened?" Gabriel knelt on one knee in front of Sam and reached out to wipe away the blood trailing from his nose; it only took a moment to heal.

"He said he saw Lucifer," Bobby replied.

"The moose was waving about a damn knife," Crowley added, holding said knife.

Gabriel took Sam's hand and smoothed his fingertips along the thin slice crossing the palm. He returned his attention to Sam's face and cursed under his breath at the sight of pale, sweaty skin.

"What the _fuck_ is going on?" Dean finally asked, his voice sounding a little hoarse.

Gabriel reached out with his grace to try and get a sense of what was happening. Something tightened in his chest as he caught traces of unwelcome grace – a twisted, twinned version of Lucifer's and Michael's presences. _What? No..._ Gabriel leaned forward to press his fingertips against Sam's forehead.

It was disturbingly easy to enter Sam's mind, like pushing through a ratty curtain when there should have been a solid, locked door. Gabriel was immediately assaulted by a cacophonous chorus of voices, too many to count. The visuals were no easier to decipher, too many images flashing by at an impossible pace.

Gabriel withdrew with a gasp and leaned back.

"Dude, what did you _do_?" Dean demanded as Sam started to shiver.

"I didn't—" Gabriel cut himself off. "Something's really wrong, his mind's a mess." He could see Sam's eyes moving rapidly beneath closed eyelids. "I don't know what's going on, but I can sense Lucifer."

"He's in the Cage," Crowley stated flatly.

"Could he be reaching from there?"

"I don't know!" Gabriel responded sharply, hating that he didn't have any answers.

Sam's head suddenly jerked against Dean's shoulder, and his shivers turned into full-body shudders.

"Fuck!"

Gabriel and Dean moved into action, rearranging Sam so that he lay flat on the floor as he seized. Dean kept up a steady stream of curses while the archangel waited in tense silence for the episode to end.

As the seizures subsided, Dean stared at the archangel and ordered, "Fix him!"

"I can't!" Gabriel snapped. His fingers curled tightly in Sam's shirt. "There's already too much going on in his mind. Even going in again to look is a risk. I can't mess around in there!" He could feel himself shaking from the effort to keep his wings and grace contained. His lover's mind was coming apart and he couldn't _do_ anything with the high chance that he could make things even worse.

"Damn it!" Dean slammed his fist against the floor. "Then what the hell good are you?"

"Dean," Bobby cautioned.

Gabriel refrained from flinching although he was aware that his skin began to glow. "Do not question my commitment to your brother," he warned.

From a safe distance, Crowley said, "As I understand it, you're not the healer of the family."

Gabriel's focus swung to the demon; Crowley took another step back. "Raphael," Gabriel muttered. He stared down at Sam and wiped sweat from the human's brow with a shaking hand. He didn't know the last time that Raphael had healed a human, almost certainly long before Gabriel had left Heaven. "I will try."

With a snap, Gabriel sent the Winchesters to Sam's room upstairs. He sent a mental call to Castiel as he stood up. "I need to speak to Raphael. If he won't— He may still know how to help." He nodded at Crowley in silent thanks for the idea.

"Is there anything we can do to make things better?" Bobby asked, not looking particularly hopeful.

"I don't know what's going to happen," Gabriel admitted quietly. "Call me if anything changes."

A flap of wings announced Castiel's arrival. "What is happening? You sounded distressed."

Gabriel crossed to his brother and clasped Castiel's shoulder. "The barrier Kali had put in place broke. Sam's mind is trying to process too much at once. Please, keep an eye on him."

Looking startled, Castiel asked, "Where are you going?"

"To talk to Raphael." Gabriel could sense Castiel's doubt about the good that would do, but he had to hope. "You know him differently than I do," he reminded quietly.

Castiel lowered his gaze and nodded shortly. "I will do as you ask. Good luck."

Gabriel flew away after squeezing Castiel's shoulder. He hated leaving Sam's side, but he would be useless sitting there without knowing what to do. He prayed Raphael would help.

* 

_Sam opened his eyes to see a familiar fan spinning overhead above an ironwork devil's trap. His eyes felt gritty and he tried to move but got caught short with pressure tight around his wrists. He tugged and felt the familiar padded cuffs of the panic room's restraints severely limiting his ability to move his limbs. He swallowed back a scream of dread; he hated the feeling of being tied up, it was all the worse since the Cage. Why was he in the panic room?_

_"Dean?" he called, voice cracking. He swallowed hard and tried again. "Dean? Bobby?" Sam vaguely remembered the sound of an angel landing before he'd passed out in the kitchen, so he also tried, "Gabriel? Cas?"_

_The door clanked open and Dean walked in, face scrunched in concern; Cas trailed behind him, expression blank. "Hey, Sam."_

_"Dean. What's going on?" Sam twisted his fists, trying to draw attention to the restraints. "Let me up, huh?"_

_Dean shook his head. "Can't, Sammy. You were pretty wild up there. Don't know if you'll remember it all, you were striking out and seized after you passed out. Until we can sort things out, it's just better to keep the restraints." He offered an unconvincing apologetic frown. "Sorry."_

_Sam turned his pleading gaze to Castiel. "Cas, what if I stayed in here? I could... I could be on my own, but let me up?"_

_"No, Sam. You would still be a danger."_

_With a grimace, Sam relented and slumped back onto the cot. "Okay," he whispered. He looked to the door, hoping to see a familiar archangel. "Where's Gabriel?" he asked, voice still sounding small._

_"He is busy with matters in Heaven," Cas stated. "He asked me to check. Now that you are awake, I will return."_

_Dean frowned a little. "Could use your help here, you know."_

_Cas shook his head. "I apologize, but I must leave."_

_With a sigh, Dean nodded. "Okay, fine. Hey, Sammy, I got some things I need to do—"_

_"What?" Sam tensed again, surprised that they were both leaving him. "Wait, why are you going?"_

_"Told you, there's things I gotta do. Look, you get some rest and I'll check on you in a bit. You'll be okay, we'll figure this out." Dean stiffly patted Sam's shoulder._

_Cas had already moved to the doorway and Dean was turning away as well. Sam pulled hard on the restraints, making the cot shake. "Wait, please. Please, don't leave me alone."_

_Dean shook his head as he made for the door. "Sammy, it'll be fine. I'll check back, promise."_

_"Dean... Cas...?" Sam called, not even caring that he sounded pitiful as his brother and the angel left, closing the door behind them._

_Locks slid noisily into place and Sam grimaced. He squeezed his eyes shut tight and held back the urge to sob. He hated this place._

_Countless minutes passed with Sam struggling through flows and ebbs of panic at being left alone, tied up._

_Finally, an unwelcome voice said, "Hello, Sam."_

_Sam's eyes opened wide and he turned his head sharply in the direction of the voice. He gasped at the sight of Lucifer leaning against the wall, staring at him with a bright, attune gaze._

_"What—?"_

_"What are you doing in here alone, Sammy?" came another equally feared voice from behind him. Sam looked back and stared up at Adam's—_ Michael's _grinning face._

_"How much do they really care about you?" Lucifer wondered aloud. "Here you are, all by yourself, wrapped up like a present. We're not complaining, but I don't think this is quite what you'd plan." Lucifer pushed off from the wall with a smile._

_Michael circled the cot to stand at Sam's feet. "You knew it would happen sooner or later, Sam. You don't get to just go free after all you've done." When he laid his hands on Sam's ankles, it felt like he was pressing burning coals against the skin._

_Lucifer closed in with a dagger in hand. "Let's see how much they care. Scream for help, Sam."_

_Sam feared what would happen if anyone came to help him, knowing that the Fallen archangels would use the others as weapons against him. But as Michael burned his body and Lucifer cut into his skin, Sam began to whimper in pain. He screamed – inevitably he always screamed under their ministrations._

_It felt like ages before he saw movement by the door, though it remained shut. The little barred window opened and through blurred sight Sam thought he saw someone watching. He pleaded for whoever was outside the door to help him; he begged._

_The window closed._

_The door never opened._

_Sam cried out under a particularly vicious twist of Lucifer's knife. "Stop, please, please, stop," he begged._

_Lucifer's lips quirked up in an amused smile. "You beg me to stop," he mocked, "but I've never been nice, Sam. You know that."_

*

Gabriel arrived in Heaven to find a flurry of action taking place, much busier than when he'd left in response to Dean's frantic call. He located Raphael near the center of it all, apparently organizing some of the chaos. Angels moved purposefully in small groups, voices tense as they talked in low tones. 

Soon after spotting Gabriel, Raphael made his way over to his brother. "What do you know?"

"Excuse me?" Gabriel asked with a sinking feeling.

"The Cage." Raphael paused and seemed to get a good look at Gabriel. "That's not why you're here. You don't know." He began explaining before Gabriel got a chance to ask. "The Cage is broken, Lucifer and Michael are gone."

Gabriel cursed creatively as things fell into place. "How?"

Raphael shook his head. "We do not currently know, but the Cage was only made to hold Lucifer. Previously undisturbed seals suddenly broke into activity, which prompted the investigation. Rachel reported back not long ago. We're trying to organize to solve the problems of the seals. We don't know where Lucifer and Michael are."

Gabriel struggled against his rising sense of panic. "I need your help, Raphael. Sam's mind is falling apart. Memories of the Cage have been pouring back and Lucifer's poking around."

"Gabriel..." Raphael started, looking grim. "It's a—"

" _Please_ , Raph," Gabriel begged. "The wall that was protecting him is gone. The overload's going to kill him and I... I can't do anything. I don't know how to fix this." He reached out for his brother. "I'm begging you. Please. I love him. I need your help."

The older archangel looked away, expression conflicted. It took great self-restraint but Gabriel waited quietly for his brother to think.

Finally, Raphael returned his attention to Gabriel and said, "I will see what I can do, but I must first attend to several broken seals. I could use your help."

Gabriel just wanted to get back to Sam as soon as possible. "Anything to make this go faster," he conceded. 

"Do you wish to inform your friends?" Raphael asked.

"Shit." Gabriel probably should go himself, but he wanted to get things done quickly. "Rachel investigated, right? She and Cas are friends, if she's free..."

Raphael nodded and Gabriel could feel him reach out with his grace to call Rachel. A few moments later, the angel appeared at their side with a solemn nod of greeting.

"Can you go to Castiel and let him know what's going on?" Gabriel asked. "Let him know I'm helping Raphael with something, but we'll be back soon."

Rachel glanced between the two archangels before nodding. "I will do so."

"Thanks, Rachel."

When she left, Raphael touched Gabriel's shoulder and projected the image of their destination. "Let's go, brother."

*

Raphael directed Gabriel to help with seals that had unleashed widespread effects – the dead rising in war-torn Somalia, an outbreak of virulent influenza in Germany, suddenly shriveling crops in the American Midwest. With the power of two archangels, they were able to restore the affected areas relatively swiftly.

At Raphael's nod, Gabriel led the way to Bobby's. It was obvious as he passed onto the property that additional wards had been put in place. Castiel stood within the doorway of Sam's room, posture alert; he nodded politely at Raphael as the archangels landed. Dean rose from the chair next to the bed, his gaze flicking warily back and forth between the angels.

"How's he been?" Gabriel asked as he moved to kneel on the bed next to Sam. He flinched at the sight of almost ashen skin and the feel of twisted grace now lingering around the human.

"Not good, but no more seizures," Dean answered. "So. Think you can fix this?"

Gabriel glanced up to see Dean and Raphael sizing each other up. Gabriel remembered Castiel once explaining that he and Dean had caught Raphael in a ring of holy fire shortly after Lucifer rose; that seemed to be a Winchester greeting.

Raphael raised his chin and turned away from Dean. "I am here at my brother's behest." The archangel approached the bed with a deep frown. "You realize that Lucifer is likely now actively interfering with his mind?" he directed at Gabriel.

Which meant having another presence going in could do more harm than good. Gabriel stared down at Sam's pale face and nodded. "I don't think he'll wake up on his own. Raphael, please." He met his brother's stare and let his barriers down. He left himself open, freely displaying his _need_ to see Sam well and the depth of his devotion. He was peripherally aware of Castiel's sharp gasp of surprise.

"Very well." Raphael waved a hand at Dean and Castiel. "I need you to leave."

"Hey now—"

"Dean," Castiel interrupted quietly.

Looking put-upon, Raphael explained, "I would appreciate a lack of distractions and prefer not to be yelled at for accidently burning your eyes out."

Dean still didn't look too happy about it, but he allowed Castiel's hand on his shoulder to guide him out of the room. As the door closed, Raphael went to the side of the bed where Dean had been sitting.

"I'm not sure how long this will take."

"Whatever you can do," Gabriel said quietly.

Raphael turned his attention to Sam and placed his palm on the human's head.

*

Several hours later, Raphael finally removed his hand and sat back. Sam looked pale but less ashen, and his expression had relaxed a little. "He will wake when he is rested," Raphael said.

Gabriel breathed a sigh of relief and pressed his lips to Sam's forehead. "Thank you," he whispered.

"I did what I could," Raphael said, a note of wariness in his voice. Gabriel glanced up to see his brother's cautious expression. "Anything more is... too intimate."

"What does that mean?" Gabriel asked cautiously.

"It means that his soul and his mind are deeply damaged. There is only so much healing I can do without sharing my grace to fill in the gaps." Raphael gave Gabriel a meaningful look. "What I have done is healed what was incapacitating him. His mind is no longer in fragments and rest will restore him to something close to normal."

Gabriel nodded as he considered his brother's words. "Will a... would bonding help him?"

Raphael studied Gabriel for a moment without saying anything, though he couldn't have meant anything else. "Yes." With a quiet sigh, the older archangel stood up. "Now we must determine what to do about Lucifer and Michael. Clearly Lucifer does not intend to use Winchester as a vessel again. If they wished, they may have created one. Gabriel, I would appreciate your help. Your lover needs his rest."

Reluctantly, Gabriel moved from the bed. He brushed his fingertips across Sam's closed eyelids. "Yeah... okay. Let me talk to his brother and Cas quick before we go."

"That is acceptable," Raphael agreed.

*

After confirming that Castiel could sense an improvement from Raphael's intervention, Dean resumed his seat at his brother's beside. An hour passed before he stood up, looking restless.

"Hey, Cas, have a seat. I'm gonna check with Bobby, see what he's doing. Figure I might as well grab something for when Sammy wakes up, too."

Castiel sat stiffly in the chair for several minutes after the hunter left the room. Eventually Castiel leaned forward and placed his hand on Sam's shoulder. His gaze wandered to the sigil marking the human's inner elbow; he thought about the significance of the mark and Gabriel's grace that lingered around the tattoo.

"Sam," he murmured to the sleeping human, "I apologize for my shameful behavior in the past. You are not, and have never been, an abomination. You are exceptional."

The carefully constructed wards set around the property suddenly exploded with activity that immediately reached Castiel's highly attuned senses. He managed to get to his feet before the body of Adam Milligan appeared on the opposite side of the bed. Castiel froze, stunned by the intensity of corrupted grace surrounding the archangel's vessel.

An arm wrapped around Castiel's throat from behind. His eyes darted to the side and caught a glimpse of Lucifer's lazy smirk.

"Still the little angel that could." Lucifer squeezed his arm tighter around Castiel's neck. "Well, we're not here for you. For now." The archangel abruptly released his hold and threw Castiel across the room.

Unable to recover his balance, Castiel slammed into the door; wood splintered and the doorframe cracked. He started pushing himself to his feet as he watched Lucifer lift Sam into his arms.

"No—!"

Michael's fist cut off anything further. The force of the punch and its surprise forced Castiel back to his knees. Between one blink and the next, the archangels were gone, along with Sam.

***


	9. Then I was inspired, now I'm sad and tired

Gabriel moved on instinct when he felt the wards at Singer's place fail. Raphael would know why he left, he would have sensed the trespass as well. The possibilities of what he would find were too many for Gabriel to focus on just one.

"Gabriel..." Castiel, broken-nosed and bloody, looked up at the archangel forlornly. Gabriel's fists clenched at his sides as he stared at the empty bed.

Footsteps pounded down the hall and Dean almost tripped over Castiel when he reached the door. Between bouts of cursing, the hunter asked if Castiel was alright.

"I will be fine momentarily," Castiel assured quietly, though he accepted Dean's assistance in regaining his feet. "I am... so sorry."

"Damn it, Cas, it's not your fault," Dean said.

Of course it wasn't. Gabriel knew he should be saying that, knew that Castiel was trying to apologize to _him_ ; he could feel Castiel's grace tentatively reaching out for him, attempting to offer apology and comfort, but the sensation grated and Gabriel flinched away. _Should have been here!_ He was peripherally aware of his skin beginning to glow as his body trembled.

“Dean, wait downstairs,” Castiel ordered. For once the hunter didn’t seem inclined to argue.

Gabriel remained frozen in place but turned his gaze on Castiel. The younger angel didn’t pull back, though Gabriel knew that his eyes must have lost their humanness and his expanded wings were probably visible to even human sight.

“Brother,” Castiel murmured. He looked amazingly human as he stared back. His expression was wrought with emotion echoed through his grace. "Gabriel. I am sorry."

It was too much – the anger, the guilt, the fear. Gabriel yelled wordlessly, letting go as he felt Castiel move close and embrace him.

_I should have been here! I'm supposed to protect him, Cas!_

"He is not lost. Sam is strong."

Gabriel found himself clinging to the other angel and buried his face against Castiel's shoulder. _I swore I'd keep them from touching him again. What they did—! Where are they? I have to get him back before anything happens._

As Gabriel's outburst began to subside, Castiel's grace reached out again and gently wrapped around him to provide further comfort. "Did you and Raphael determine a way to stop them?"

When Gabriel spoke he was surprised to hear how hoarse he sounded; "Yes." He brought a trembling hand to his face and wiped at the tears on his cheeks. "Yes, we were preparing when..." he gestured broadly.

"If you feel composed, I believe we should join the others and have you explain the plan," Castiel said.

Gabriel nodded and stepped back. He folded his wings out of sight and into his vessel; he tucked away his grace until it no longer threatened exposure to the humans. Part of him wanted to argue against further involving the others, but the fight was as much theirs as his, and when it came to facing two Fallen archangels, additional help would be invaluable. 

They joined the hunters downstairs and Bobby stared pointedly at the broken glass where the living room windows used to be. Gabriel snapped, silently fixing the broken windows throughout the house.

Castiel asked, "Where is Crowley?"

"He's checking with sources to see about locating where Sam was taken," Bobby said.

Dean crossed and uncrossed his arms, looking restless and ready to start pacing at any moment. "You guys figure out a way to take these bastards out once and for all?"

"We'll be able to strip their power. It requires preparation, which we were working on before I... came back here." Gabriel felt his fingernails digging into his palms as his hands fisted. "Two parts. There's a potion – for lack of a better word – that has to hit their vessels' skin. Then there's an incantation."

A huff of what sounded like relieved laughter escaped Bobby. "Heh. Sounds like the odds just got better."

"Won't be easy, but it significantly simplifies the fight," Gabriel agreed. He crossed his arms and started pacing. "We have to find them. I'm not letting them lay their grimy hands on Sammy a moment longer."

"When we've got the location, we go together," Bobby stated firmly. Gabriel turned to meet the hunter's serious gaze. "Rush off on your own, they're just gonna use you against Sam. The boy's stupid in love with you. Don't give them more ammunition."

*

Sam came to awareness confused. He wasn't sure if he was really awake or if he was just moving, once again, from one nightmare to the next. This one didn't seem to be based on any particular flashback, not in terms of setting at least. He vaguely identified old farming equipment in the vast expanse of an industrial sized barn space. He was strapped upright to a vertical beam, his body stuck fast against the beam, and chains around his wrists held his arms spread above his head. He looked around to get further details and shifted through his other senses' input, like the smell of mold and dust and... blood.

He turned his head and was surprised to see Crowley lying prone on the floor within a devil's trap. One of the demon's legs was obviously broken and blood soaked up along the pant leg as well as staining the floor. No one else seemed to be around at the moment, leaving Sam more confused. What was going on? He had vague memories of holding a conversation with Raphael. He'd been in his head, trapped under the weight of countless memories and the active manipulation of Lucifer...

Lucifer. Michael. They were out of the Cage. 

Sam felt suddenly much more aware and he twisted in place, trying to get a better view of his surroundings. He could turn his head and get a pretty good view of the area, but anything behind him was a loss. He looked again at Crowley, his heart sinking. "Crowley?" he called to the demon. "Hey, are you doing okay?"

A long moment passed with Sam anxiously holding his breath, but finally the demon stirred and his head lifted. Crowley glared at Sam and hissed, "Fucking fantastic. What do you think, idiot?"

Sam huffed a relieved sigh. "Do you know where we are?"

A different and intimately familiar voice answered, "Back near where all of this began for you."

Sam swallowed hard and turned his head in the direction of Lucifer's voice. The Devil stepped into view with a disturbingly delighted smile. "Hello, Sam. Glad you could join us in the land of consciousness. Wouldn't want you to miss our little soirée."

Crowley's muffled cry of pain snapped Sam's attention back to the side and he saw Michael standing with his foot grinding into the demon's broken leg.

"You've been sorely missed," Lucifer said as he drew close. He lifted a hand and gripped Sam's chin so that the human couldn't turn away. Sam shuddered at the feel of Lucifer's fingers stroking the sensitive skin of his throat. "How long do you think it will take for your little 'team' to get here, Sam? I'm afraid Michael doesn't have my patience, and we wouldn't want our pitiful little Crossroads king to die before our other guests arrive."

"Leave him alone," Sam whispered.

The smirk on Lucifer's lips widened and his eyebrows rose. "What makes you think you can ruin our fun?" The Devil used his free hand to tug at the chain wrapped around Sam's wrist. 

Lucifer fingered the skin around the chain. "You're exactly where you're supposed to be. You didn't really think you would escape forever?" The Devil leaned close, his breath brushing across Sam's cheek as he said, "You said 'yes', Sam. You're mine. Do you remember everything, now? How you broke beneath my touch and submitted? Or must I remind you? Perhaps when your friends are here to watch."

Sam couldn't pull away from the hold Lucifer had on him, but he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to block the Fallen archangel's words. His still healing mind ached with the memories rolling beneath the surface of freshly healed scars and he felt sick to his stomach. Goosebumps rose on his skin as he shivered.

"Sammy, don't be like that," Lucifer coaxed. The air around them changed, seemed to become charged with unnatural energy, and Sam opened his eyes just enough to confirm that the angel had released his wings. Unlike the prism light of Gabriel's, Lucifer's wings flickered like lightening and the sparks of a downed power line. Violent, dark, threatening.

"Brother, why don't you leave our other guest for a while and get reacquainted with Sam here?" Lucifer rubbed his thumb over Sam's bottom lip and then pulled away. He looked over at Michael with an arched eyebrow. "Wouldn't want to wear anyone out before the rest of the guests arrive."

Michael snorted derisively. With a last kick aimed at Crowley's ribs, the archangel walked away from the devil's trap.

"It's been too long." Michael's hand rose and the human flinched. A toothy smile spread across the archangel's lips as he patted Sam's cheek. "Oh Sam, I did miss you." He snapped his fingers and a dark-bladed dagger appeared in his hand. As he cut away Sam's shirt, he murmured, "I want you to scream for me. I want you to scream for my Father to save you. But he will never come, and this will never end."

*

They hadn't heard from Crowley. With every passing hour and the sun getting lower, Bobby looked grimmer. The group kept busy preparing supplies and weapons, searching for signs of the archangels' location, and discussing plans for how to dispense the required "potion."

After hours of waiting and no solid leads, Raphael arrived with the necessary potions and important news. "We have their location," Raphael announced as soon as he produced the solutions; each one was sealed in a small glass sphere.

Gabriel stared intently as he accepted one of the four orbs. "Where?"

Raphael handed another sphere to Castiel, and after a long staring match with Dean, he handed the last two to the elder Winchester.

The archangel answered, "Balthazar found signs leading to Kansas and investigation has made obvious they are awaiting confrontation in Lawrence."

With a grimace, Dean said, "Beginning and end, huh."

"Anything else?" Bobby prompted.

"They have an additional prisoner," Raphael confirmed. "A demon?"

Bobby didn't look surprised, but his posture tensed and his expression tightened. Dean glanced sidelong at him a moment, and Gabriel briefly touched the older hunter's arm. They couldn't discount the good luck that Crowley hadn't been killed outright.

Gabriel met Raphael's gaze and asked, "Do you still plan to come with us?"

With a nod, Raphael said, "I am best prepared for the incantation. I assume you have determined how to apply the solutions?"

"Yeah, we got the options narrowed down," Dean said. He looked at the spheres in his hand. "Got a couple extra shots, I see."

"But that's all," Raphael cautioned. "The whole container is not required, but more than half the contents must meet the vessel's skin."

"We understand," Castiel agreed.

"Ready, boys?" Gabriel asked, forcing himself to sound more confident than he felt.

"Let's end this bullshit," Dean answered, expression dark. "Take these fuckers out once and for all."

Gabriel could feel Raphael's reluctance to engage in battle, but that was why they had worked on coming up with a way to strip the Fallen archangels of power. They needed to be subdued, that was something they could all agree on. Gabriel wasn't exactly keen on the idea of killing his brothers, but it if it came down to it... well, he'd made his choice months ago. He still wished he'd made the decision earlier and spared Sam all the pain and trouble. He needed to make up for it now and he swore he would.

*

The angels transported their human companions to the grain mill where Raphael reported that Michael and Lucifer had been seen. They appeared in the middle of the mill, loosely positioned in a semi-circle. Gabriel saw Crowley first, the demon caught in a devil's trap with a broken leg and a disturbing amount of blood. Bobby started forward and Gabriel had to catch him by the shoulder as he took in the rest of the scene.

Wings spread wide and sparking with malevolent energy, Lucifer turned to face them. "At last, the rest of our guests arrive." His gaze trailed over the group; his lip curled briefly upon seeing Raphael, but eventually he settled his stare on Gabriel and his smile widened. "And it is _so_ good to see you again, Gabriel."

Lucifer stepped aside, making a sweeping gesture with arm and wings to indicate the sight he had been blocking. A couple yards away, Michael stood in front of Sam, who was tied to a vertical beam with his arms above his head. Michael dragged a dagger across already marked skin. Gabriel felt sick at the sight of countless open cuts and burns covering his lover's bare torso, neck, and arms. A moment later, he found out _how_ the burns had been made. Michael's wings – radiating ugly, corrupted grace – flickered into sight and moved to brush against Sam's skin. Whereas the human had kept silent except for small gasps as the blade cut into him, the twisted grace scraping against his flesh pulled a pleading cry from his lips. Sam seemed unable to look beyond Michael, a glazed look in his eyes as he twitched and flinched at every touch of blade or graze of wings. 

"Oh you should see your faces," Lucifer murmured, eyes lighting up with perverse pleasure.

Dean started forward, "You fucking dickhead—" Lucifer barely glanced away from Gabriel as he threw up his arm; with a sharp gesture, the hunters flew backwards and the angels had to fight to stay on their feet. Gabriel heard the sound of glass breaking and Dean cursing violently behind him.

"How much do you really know?" Lucifer asked, moving closer to Gabriel. "Do you know how many times I broke him down until he begged and pleaded for an end? Do you know about all the times he willingly submitted? It was always the best when you – well, not really _you_ – were there. Just one little detail and it made things so much more interesting."

"Get out of my way," Gabriel threatened as Lucifer again moved between the archangel and his lover.

"Oh let Michael work, he's been rather distraught since Sam got so rudely pulled away. I think you'll be interested to see his work, too. It's rather creative for someone who was so straight-laced and following Daddy's orders for so long." 

Lucifer grinned at Gabriel. "Did you even think that your claim might be challenged? Sam isn't yours, Brother. He was mine from the start and I never agreed to share him with you." Lucifer nodded in the direction of Michael. "But see how well he marks up. How easy it is to fall back into place. It will _never_ end for him. You can't take it away, your pitiful pagan made her attempt to make things 'less painful' on his mortal psyche, but look how it fell and crumbled. He will always be on the edge of break down. Leave him to us, Brother. Walk away and I'll consider letting your other humans live."

Beyond the Devil, Michael pressed closer and the meeting of his wing pressing flush against Sam's side caused a violent shower of sparks that brought out a choked sob from human lungs. For the first time, Michael glanced away from the human and in the direction of the other angels. His eyes were darkly lit and he met Gabriel's stare with a toothy grin. "He'll never be yours again. He makes the best sounds. Have you truly heard him scream?" He switched the dagger to his other hand and reached up to curl his fingers around Sam's arm where Gabriel's sigil was tattooed. He fixed his gaze on Gabriel and tilted his head. "Can't have this here anymore. Just doesn't quite fit with the rest, does it." His hand began to glow.

Enraged, Gabriel flew past Lucifer as Castiel charged the Devil, moving him out of the way just in time for Gabriel to pass. Gabriel tackled Michael, yanking his brother down as he used his other hand to free the glass orb he carried. As they hit the floor, their wings outspread and clashing with bright light and a sound like a thunderclap, he cupped the glass in his palm and threw the sphere directly into Michael's face. The orb shattered, its contents spreading across the Fallen angel's face and into shallow cuts left by glass shards. Gabriel pulled his hand away and flicked off the few drops of liquid that had splashed onto his skin.

Michael retaliated by wrestling Gabriel onto his back. He punched the younger archangel in the face, cracking his cheek bone. The second punch stung a little less, and Gabriel caught Michael's next swing. Michael's wings were flickering in and out of sight, growing dimmer with every passing moment. As Gabriel maneuvered beneath his brother, he could hear Raphael speaking the incantation, weakening Michael's body. Gabriel released his hold and kicked out, knocking Michael back in an impressive arc. The Fallen archangel stumbled, unbalanced by his draining grace.

Gabriel looked up in time to see Lucifer fling Castiel into a bank of machinery. Dean had made it back to his feet and was closing in. The hunter threw his unbroken potion sphere, but Lucifer turned and the glass broke on his shoulder. 

Lucifer sneered as the potion soaked into his sleeve ineffectively. He didn't run, not even as his focus caught on Michael raging about his sapping power. Instead, the Devil flew to Sam's side and thrust his hand at the human's torso. Dean shouted in denial and Gabriel felt paralyzed by the fear that the other angel had ripped into Sam's body.

But it was worse than that. Sam _screamed_ , a harsh, drawn-out cry that broke in time with the burst of light where Lucifer plunged in to tear at the human's soul. 

Gabriel was barely aware of moving. One moment he stood frozen in place and in the next he had his hand wrapped around his sword as it plunged into his brother's chest. Gabriel stared at where the blade protruded from his brother's torso for a long moment, almost stunned that they were standing there with roles reversed. He looked up and met Lucifer's incredulous, almost... impressed stare. Lucifer grunted softly, eyes narrowed, but he didn't release Sam's soul, seemed to even tighten his hold and tug just that much harder. Sam cried out again, the light of his soul fluctuating in the painful grip. Gabriel pressed hard with his sword and felt a half-remembered pain of his own stabbing as his blade thrust upward. Lucifer's eyes rolled and his eyelids shut. Finally his hand slipped free and he slid to the floor as Gabriel released his hold on the sword.

He stared at his older brother as the last of his grace flared up. He instinctively shielded Sam from the blast, distantly hoping that the other humans were protected. Lucifer lay still, dark imprints of multiple wings scorched into the floor at Gabriel's feet, the hilt of Gabriel's sword still gleaming from where it sank into the archangel's chest.

Sam's hoarse whimper of Gabriel's name caught the angel's attention. Gabriel forced himself to look away and lock down hard on the emotions threatening to overwhelm him. Sam's soul had been damaged enough to bleed and the human had to be walking the line of delirium; it was important to heal the wound quickly. Gabriel pressed his hands firmly over Sam's sternum and let threads of his grace pull back the strands of Sam's soul that had bled out and did his best to fill in the painful gaps. As soon as the soul seemed intact, Gabriel moved his hands to Sam's face and gently cupped his lover's cheeks as he pushed his grace to heal the wounds covering the human's body. He freed one hand and with a snap, Sam's arms dropped from where they'd been bound and the human collapsed against him.

"Gabriel," Sam murmured again, sounding more aware than he had so far. Sam remained limp in Gabriel's arms as the archangel walked them a few feet away and lowered Sam to the floor.

Dean came into view and knelt at Sam's other side. The elder Winchester met Gabriel's gaze briefly. "Thank you," he said quietly before turning his attention to Sam. "Scared the crap out of me, dude. We've got you now."

Sam's eyes rolled to the side to look at his brother through half closed lids. "'S good. Crowley alright?"

"Idiot, always caring for everyone else," Dean teased quietly. He looked over his shoulder to where Bobby and Castiel were moving Crowley out of the devil's trap. Angelic healing couldn't be used much, given a demon's reaction to grace; Crowley would be in for a more human-like recovery in the weeks to come.

"He'll be okay," Gabriel answered.

Sam's gaze returned to Gabriel and he frowned, eyebrows scrunching together in a look of concentration. "You... I'm so sorry," he whispered.

Gabriel shook his head and closed his eyes. He pressed a finger against Sam's lips to silence any further apology, which he was sure his lover would try to offer. "No. I... I had no choice." He wanted to say more but words failed him and he felt so drained, numb. Opening his eyes, Gabriel looked down and found Sam watching him sleepily but with a look of understanding. Sam lifted his hand and wrapped his finger's around Gabriel's wrist. The angel changed position until their fingers entwined.

"What happens to him?" Dean asked. Gabriel looked up as Dean nodded in the direction of Raphael standing over a subdued, catatonic-looking Michael.

Raphael, apparently having heard the question, looked in their direction. His expression was closed but Gabriel could feel some of his own regret, anger, and sorrow echoing back from his brother.

"He has very little strength for now. The Host has established a place where he can be kept. We will watch him as he recovers." Raphael's gaze slipped aside. "Michael's power will never fully return without intervention. But I... sincerely hope he will one day rejoin us."

Dean looked incredulous but was surprisingly tactful and didn't comment. The human nodded his acknowledgement and looked back to Sam.

Raphael returned his gaze to Gabriel. "I will secure Michael in Heaven. Your... companion still requires guidance in healing." He hesitated before continuing. "As do you, Gabriel. If you wish, I will return to assist the process."

Releasing a slightly shaky sigh, Gabriel shrugged one shoulder. "We'll talk first. Can I contact you if we choose your help?"

Raphael's expression softened and amidst the grim emotions lingering between them, a thread of loving assurance reached out. "Of course, brother."

"Thank you," Gabriel murmured before looking away. Sam was half asleep in his arms, the human's head resting against his shoulder. Gabriel pressed his cheek against his lover's hair and breathed deeply.

"Hey," Bobby's gruff voice broke the silence. He and Castiel held Crowley up between them. When the others looked up, he said, "Let's go home."

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings** : H/C, one graphic sex scene, graphic violence/torture (More warnings, highlight:)  "Nice/good" Raphael. Major hurt/comfort. Graphic torture (flashbacks). Lucifer and Michael are unequivocally the bad guys. Fallen & insane Michael. An antagonist death. Implied past non-con. 


	10. Epilogue: I believe you can make me whole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _March '13 edit:_ Added titles to chapters; all are lyrics from various _Jesus Christ Superstar_ songs.

¬The first thing Sam heard upon waking up three days later was Crowley shouting vehement curses about unwieldy crutches. Dean later recounted a detailed outline of Crowley's recovery and expressed his disbelief that Sam could sleep through all the shouting. Demons might heal quickly, but Crowley wouldn't be waltzing around anytime soon with roughly a dozen fractures in his leg.

Gabriel assured that the days of sleep and Sam's continued lethargy were to be expected. Sam hated that he only had energy for a few hours before dozing off again, but Gabriel took advantage of those complaints to encourage Sam to eat everything the angel presented with the promise that nourishment equaled liveliness. Dean eagerly joined in and cajoled his brother to eat up, although he usually snuck off with the extra food.

Sam's sense of time had been off for a while but things became more surreal as he spent almost as much time asleep as he did awake. He fell asleep in the middle of doing things, so many activities were vetoed, much to his annoyance. Gabriel teased him about it with a gentle grin. He seemed fond of curling up next to Sam during his naps.

Sam didn't press for answers right away. He waited for some of his energy to return and Dean's protective streak to lighten up so that his brother wasn't constantly hovering around him. Gabriel didn't talk much about details of recent events, which left Sam to piece together Dean's disjointed storytelling with what he could pick up from others' comments. He felt pretty sure that he knew the big things, the highlights, but he also had a hazy memory of Raphael implying that Gabriel as well as Sam had further healing to be done.

Once he felt sure he wouldn't fall asleep in the middle of the conversation, Sam pulled Gabriel aside and addressed the issue.

"Ooh, serious face," Gabriel observed.

"So you haven't told me what this last step is in the 'fixing Sam Winchester' process," Sam blurted out. 

The archangel sighed and pushed Sam to sit on the edge of the bed. Gabriel pulled out the desk chair to sit in front of him. "It's not all about a 'fixing' thing. I mean, I can totally help with making sure your soul's fully healed, and I will! But..." He frowned as his gaze dropped.

"I vaguely remember when Raphael was... sorting my head out." Sam reached out to cover Gabriel's fidgeting hands. "I know there's more to it – whatever 'it' is. The... healing goes both ways, right? This... maybe it isn't something you want to do?" Sam said hesitantly.

"No. I know I want to." Gabriel looked up and quirked a smile. "What Raph suggested is bonding. It's not exactly something you'd do with just anyone, though, and maybe it's a bigger thing than you can really comprehend."

With a grin, Sam suggested, "Then explain it in words that even Dean could understand on his dumb days."

Gabriel laughed. He turned his hands so that he could hold onto Sam. "Okay. In small part, it's kind of like a... hmm, a weird mutual blood transfusion? I'd share my grace with you and you'd be sharing your soul."

"That's a small part?" Sam asked a little breathlessly.

"Right. That's a big part," Gabriel corrected with a grimace of embarrassment. "I mean, one option is that I share a little of my grace, make sure it settles in to help you heal, and then we move on as we've been."

"But this bonding thing... I would open my soul to you."

"Basically." Gabriel attempted a casual shrug. "So, there would be the grace-soul thing. But you have to understand that the whole 'immortal soul' thing? It is what it says on the label. Human souls aren't necessarily predisposed to immortal memory so they don't usually remember beyond certain points. If they've spent more than one mortal lifetime on Earth, few souls realize it."

"And that changes if we bond."

"Yes. There are... soul mates, as you know, though that's only between mortals. This is a little... _more_. Plus it's unexplored territory." Gabriel licked his lips. "I'm an archangel, you're a human. Neither of us is exactly the model of normalcy and we're a bit dented and worn."

"But we could do this. Bond," Sam checked.

Gabriel paused before slowly nodding. He looked bemused, as if he hadn't expected Sam to respond calmly. "You get that this isn't a Vegas wedding you get annulled a month later, right?"

Sam laughed a little. "Yeah. I know it's not like that. I'll admit I'm not quite sure _what_ it is, so I..." He made sure they had eye contact before continuing, "I'm not going to answer right now. I'm going to think about it, okay? I know you've been thinking about it and I'm not going to let you worry that I'm giving you some kneejerk reaction. If I have questions...?"

"Uh..." Looking stunned, Gabriel took a few moments to answer. "Well, I can maybe clear some things up?"

"Do you think I could talk to Raphael?"

"I think I'd like to see his reaction," the angel replied with a smirk. "I have the feeling you might just impress him."

Sam felt the start of nervous excitement setting in. With a shy smile he said, "Then I'd like to talk to him as soon as I can." He leaned in to kiss his lover. _I won't make you wait too long,_ he promised silently. Sam knew he had to find out a little more and think about the consequences of his decision, but he knew that a large part of him had already committed to the bond.

Besides, exercising some self-restraint and showing that he was putting the time in to think about things would give him some much-needed leverage in convincing protective family members – both his and Gabriel's – that the commitment would be genuine.

Sam could feel Gabriel grinning against his lips.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Thoughts on the end:** So this was not what I imagined the final scene to look like. I've had so many notes regarding endings for this story-verse in the past year. Some sort of "bonding" has always been in my mind, so I figured that's where I could end up when all was said and done. I had vague ideas about some details when I got my first working draft of the sequel done but then I took a long break. When I came back, in something of a panic, to wrap this up... Well, the characters took mercy on me by writing themselves. However, as characters are wont to do, they had a mind of their own and left me with this.
> 
> It may not be where you want it to end. I wasn't sure what to think at first, but I quickly realized that I like wrapping this fic here. I felt rushed with many scenes in this story and I know I cut corners to get the larger vision out to show you. This is certainly a 'verse/series that has many openings for time stamps and fillers. If I'm unable to get to nothing else, I do intend to some day write a bonding scene/fic for this series. Don't expect it immediately, but know that it is something I want to do. My OTP deserves a thoroughly sealed happy ending.

**Author's Note:**

>  **Notes:** This has been a story I've wrestled with since mere weeks after posting the first story, Journeys. While that story wrote much of itself and came to a natural end, there were still several plot points left open that I wanted to tackle. _How_ to tackle what came next, however, was no easy task. I cut several thousand words out about midway through the plot to try another approach. There are a few scenes in here that have been rewritten at least three times due to plot changes and even characters being pulled from the scenes.
> 
> Including Castiel was a particular struggle since the first story's hints of a Cas/Dean relationship basically evaporated as I wrote this and it didn't seem worth forcing it back in. The main focus, after all, is Gabriel/Sam. The cameo appearances of others has been an issue I've debated over and over, largely with myself but also with friends while I wrote, rewrote, and edited this. There are so many great characters in this fandom and I really wanted to try including people – it does end up being hard to juggle so many without leaving gaping plot holes, though!
> 
> My ever-present pillars of support continue to be the lovely wolfish_willow and qbiggerthanlove. Until just recently as RL got crazy, I talked with one or both of these ladies nightly. Crazy ideas, plotting, random dialogue tidbits, and general SPN head-canon sharing went on and they're at the heart of what's kept me going with my SPN fandom ventures. I also owe a big thanks to my wonderful artist who sent me all sorts of images and cheered me on even as I've slipped behind on things – becoming engrossed in other fandoms and a plethora of RL issues. Thanks are owed to all three for reading and helping me out with the story at a variety of stages. I've done a lot of last-minute work, however, so all errors remaining are mine.
> 
> Thanks also to everyone who's expressed interest in this sequel and left wonderful comments on my other fics, hearing from you means the world to me! Thanks so much. I hope this didn't disappoint. :)


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